Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is. After the emotions of last weekend, things settled down for me for a couple of days. I have been feeling good about what I did on Saturday I have collected almost all the sponsor money in for the ice bin challenge and it came in just a couple of quid short of £200 so I’ll round it up and send a cheque to MIND. I am not the best at getting out of bed in the mornings. Usually the only time I get out of bed at 4-30am is if my bladder demands it. I needed to get to Buckinghamshire by just after eight for a golf day with my railway mates so I had to drag my sorry arse out of bed far earlier than usual. Knowing I had an early start meant the previous evening was a start early and finish early event down Pepper’s. I was in bed before 11pm which is a 2014 record I think. I was hammering along the Colchester bypass when a whole host of red and yellow warning lights started coming on the dashboard and at the same time steam started spewing out from under the bonnet and the headlights failed. When I swung into the Sainsbury’s car park off the slip road to investigate it turns out I’d cooked the car, there was no fan belt on the alternator and water pump and the pump was smashed! It was 5-30 in the morning and steam was pouring out the engine though not from my ears, I was cold, stressed and upset but not angry, I am working on the apathy bit still. When the AA turned up about an hour later, the guy took one quick look and told me I wasn’t going anywhere and he would tow me the 20 miles back home. He asked me for my AA card, which I didn’t have nor did I have any ID except a car phone warehouse bill for the phone I had on me with my address on. Despite giving him my name address, date of birth and my two car reg numbers which they have attended to recently, that wasn’t enough. Nor was telling him how long I’d been an AA member and how I paid my bills, which was all security questions he had asked me. I failed on one question when I couldn’t remember the last time I called them out. He said he needed proof of who I was, I showed him my email account in my name on my phone with my picture on it, Apparently that wasn’t enough, nor was the offer to show him a 5 year old facebook account with 500 friends and 100’s of pictures of me on it. He said that could be a fake account. I was getting really shaky, my voice was calm and I didn’t shout as I just didn’t want the confrontation. I attempted to remonstrate with the Jobsworth that I didn’t start a fake facebook page five years back just in the vain hope I could get a free 20 mile journey home! His answer was to walk round his van into the driver’s seat and drive off without even a goodbye! I was shaking with frustration, I just couldn’t believe my luck or his attitude. I called the AA office again and after she had me on hold whilst getting his version of events she politely told me that I failed his security questions so there was nothing she could do. Good Job Iain lives just a few miles away, I had to ring him and get him out of bed for the 40 mile round trip back to Clacton to get my driving license. When I phoned the AA up again a different lady said she would send a different patrol man to pick me up. It was only then that I remembered the last time I called them out. It was back in October last year we were on our way to Humberside for a night and the van packed up near Lincoln and we stayed there two nights whilst waiting for repairs. He was a nice enough bloke, I never discussed what went on a few hours previously with his colleague and we got my broken Mercedes back to my mate’s garage by midday. The most farcical thing of all; this AA man never asked me to show him any ID! All that aggravation and upset and expense for nothing! So I missed out on a few hours sleep, missed out on my golf day and it has cost me a good few quid as well, so not the best start to the day. Sadly it didn’t get any better in the afternoon, I discovered some news that whilst not completely unexpected, all the same, it still tugged at my heart. It shouldn’t matter to me and it does put another padlock on the door which my head tells me I do not want to open again but as we often say head and heart do not always sing from the same hymn sheet. I remembered my mantra; “Stop it, forgive it, accept it, and forget it” It was put into perspective by a couple of friends I spoke to who both said that it was the sort of test which would have broken me a few months ago. I think these bigger tablets have hardened my emotions and tears are in short supply in recent weeks. I have attempted and succeeded in continuing to move forward and there will come a time when apathy will definitely win the day. It will, I know it will. Apathy will replace love. Someone once said to me that “love never dies a natural death. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source.” In my case it is dying of blindness, bullshit and betrayals. It is dying because of wounds that never got given the time to heal. I slept well last night as I was emotionally and physically drained but I am ready for the day today. Hopefully, I get my car sorted and fingers crossed it is just the water pump and I have not cooked the engine block. I am of out for a meal tonight so that is something to look forward to, as is the golf club karaoke this weekend. Good weather is also promised so I can get on with some work too. Love to you all, Michael xx
Posted on: Thu, 04 Sep 2014 10:41:05 +0000
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