Havent shared this in a while. Any additions? ANARCHISM You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society. ARISTOCRATOCRACY You have two cows. You sell both and buy one, really big, pedigree cow. You make a law that you also receive your original cows back. BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. CAPITALISM: DUBAI You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention. CAPITALISM: SAUDI ARABIA You have two cows. Since milking the cow involves nipples, the government decides to ban all cows in public. CAPITALISM: USA You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Whilst you were busy the two cows wondered in front of a petrochemical transportation, were severely injured, but regardless are detained indefinitely for being Eco- terrorists. CAPITALISM: UK You have two cows. They are crazy. You sell them in Europe, declaring that there is no problem from BSE in your country. You blame terrorists. CENTRALISM You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows. CONSERVATIVISM You have two cows. You lock them up and charge people to look at them. You give the richest tax breaks to look at them more often. COMMUNISM You have two cows. The state takes both and milks them. It gives you the milk... once. DEMOCRACY You have two cows. They outvote you 2 to 1, resulting in a ban upon all meat and dairy products. DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes them. If you complain the cow secret service take you during the night. EUROPEAN UNIONISM You have two cows. You are not allowed to sell their milk & have to pay fines for overshooting your quota of Greenhouse gas emissions from flatulent cows. You are arrested as the currency you paid the fine in has since collapsed. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord owns them. He takes the milk. INDUSTRIALISM You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead. INNOVATIONISM You have two cows. You patent cow and claim license fees for all the cows of the world. LIBERALISM You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor. LIBERTARIANISM Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business. MARXISM/LENINISM The proletarian cows unite and overthrow the bourgeoisie cowherds. The egalitarian democratic cow revolutionary state with the cow party as vanguard disintegrate over time. Marx choked on a veggie-burger before he could explain what happens to the use-value, exchange-value and sign-value of bovine leather. NAZISM You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you. Then it shoots them. NEW DEALISM You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes. PACIFISM You have two cows. You love them. They stampede you. SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbour who has none. TALIBANISM You have two cows. The government shoots them because they are Hindu religious symbols. UNITED NATIONISM You have two cows. One bites the other. France and Germany impose milk sanctions on you. China and Russia abstain. The USA and UK bomb the culprit cow. Then you. Then steal your cow. No other country was on the security council to stop it all happening. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you dont know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive...
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 02:39:43 +0000
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