Having snugs with Manamana my Beauty. So lovely but not quite the same as cuddles from you. Mama still thinks of you all the time, Im sure you know that. I think of the magic moments when you were first born, watching you grow and become such an inquisitive little Bubba, especially remember all our cuddles. Also cant help but think of our yucky times in hospital and the moment I lost you. I try not to dwell on these times but when the thoughts come into my mind I ride them out and cry and cry and then try to think of all the happy times too. I also try to imagine what we would be doing right now if you were here. You would be tasting all the Kai you brother would be secretly feeding you (probably have a few choking scares), your hair will be long, gingery tuffs on the top of your head and probably all thinned out and balding around the back and sides where you sleep hehe hope your rocking that mo in heaven baby. Your little fingers will be gripping onto anything they can and shoving them in your mouth with waterfalls of dribble spilling out as your wee little toofys come through. Mama will be putting you in all your pretty little dresses and headbands. Daddy would be putting you in your bumbo training you up and your jolly jumper to work those cute little legs. But with all the fun and learning and being silly with big bro our favourite times would be at night with just me and you. Kick the boys out after stories and cuddles. When you have your milks, you can grip onto mamas necklace while mama strokes your pretty, perfect face, runs her fingers through your soft hair and drift off to dream land. You were 5 months on Christmas day, Mama found it very hard to not have you physically there with me on a special day like Christmas but hey I got through and we all had a wonderful day regardless. Im sure time will heal the gapping hole in my heart and eventually just have scars. Im not bleeding out any more, Taenga has stitched me up a bit hehe but the pains still there. Thats why Manamana comes and lays on my chest..because he knows somethings missing there. Only physically though. Taenga sees you everywhere! The bright, blue feather we found on our doorstep, the feathers dangling above us at Nanas house he pointed to them and said bubba, sky, hunni, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly and whenever he looks up to the sky or sees a balloo he sees ya. Daddy sees you in his dreams almost every night! But mama can not see you. I keep my eyes closed and I feel you. I feel you deep inside my soul, against my check and on my lips. Love you so much mamas baby girl. Lets go to the beach beauty mama needs some therapy from missin ya too much 😚💖🎈
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 19:27:28 +0000
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