Hello Friends, today is a black day of my life. A person, who has terrorized my life, some 14 years ago, has returned as Mother Victoria, on a crusade as Joan of Arc, and calls me things like a scary monster or a predator seeking prime meat. She is right according to my past. I was obsessed in my loneliness, think something or someone is better than nothing, had no boundaries for relationships, letting my lust define my acceptance conditions in dysfunctional relationships. Although she has contacted my from what she told me was victims witness, and the calls from the police attempting to find her, my life has been absolutely 100% better for her never being in my life for this last 14 years. Anyone wanting to have something to condemn me for can go to Romans 1, place their finger on the page, and condemn me for the sin. This is the case of my past, which this person was apart of 14 years ago. This includes having molested a child over 31 years ago, the optima violation of trust and betrayal of innocence on anyone. One I have attempted to rectify, and there are some things in life Gods standards remain merciful, and never amendable. According to II Chronicles 7:14, forgiveness requires change, and making amends requires alteration of behavior, otherwise, there is no need for forgiveness. Since, then I have found a person, who has not only heard my entire story, has heard the sordid details of my life, has heard of the pains of my childhood, has seen my struggles, and has watch me with children, people, and recovery only to say to me, I am not the person I once was in life. She comes and sleeps with me at night, and we communicate on a regular basis. From the first day of our conversations, I told her I reserve the right to tell her any sordid detail of my past, when it is right to do so. No stone has been unturned in this process of exposure. It is strange to say it, but therapy after 25 years, still have no solution for men having been molested, except for the consideration they are only animals, scary monsters, predators awaiting for prime meat. It is still a scary place to be in this life. I have been raising two boys. Although one is deaf and blind, he has the accolade of being well-mannered, friendly, and a social butterfly. He will one day be completely blind, but he is my hero. It is strange about children, they mature us in ways, we would never understand until we experience it. He loves his friends at church, and loves Jesus Christ as his savior, make friends everywhere he goes. The other is coming out of a rebellion with his mother, and doing well in school. He will be tribute to manhood when he grows up, intelligent, thoughtful, energetic, and handsome. It is a nice place to know, what my cousin said about me that I was a bad influence on everyone has been altered. This year I celebrated 30 years of recovery. The people I work with now, dont consider me a scary monster, and yet, I have quite a different accolade concerning the work with newcomers and old-times alike. However, their stories are not for you to hear, their stories are non of your business. However, she was right. I was without morals, without concerns, and without boundaries, and sought whatever, whoever might fill the void, God had to define as being acceptable for me. Peoples cruelty was no longer acceptable, my actions of exchangeable morality was no longer acceptable, and was required to stay sober another day, to change my actions and my willingness to stay that way. Once again, forgiveness in not about asking for it, demanding it, dominating it or expecting it. It is a gift from one person to another, and if there is no change in behavior, there is nothing to forgive. I suspect, Christ was right, and Paul was correct, and Peter understood the nature of forgiveness. Now, you know about my sordid past, and most of you know me as friends, family, and even people of loving relationship, do you consider me as having done enough, or is there more I can do to rectify my past?
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 21:46:23 +0000
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