Hello all. Thank you for adding me. I was never a Jw but my husband was raised from the time he was 4 in the org. He is still, after 17 years out, is very sensitive to the subject. When i showed him this page he was shocked! He told me he thought he was the only one that feels the way he does from such a messed up childhood. I decided to join this site becuase I would like advice on how to be sensitive to things he does because of triggers. Im sorry for the novel ahead but I have a lot to say! My husbands parents joined when he was 4. His father was in search of any kind of religion that felt right. A doorknocker was able to suck him in! My husband says he remembers being told he cant have a birthday party anymore. His parents were the only one in his whole family that became jws. Im sure you all know what it was like for him in elementary school. He is an only child so the only time he got to play with anyone, it was at school. He had to quit playing with the neighbors and his mother told him to lie to the kids about why he couldnt play. :( At the age of 10, he was raped and molested by a brother until he was about 12 or 13. They would have some sort of study time at this persons house. He knew if he told, he would either be in trouble or not believed. So he kept silent. I guess one day they were leaving the study and his Mom said that they no longer will be socializing with Michael (his abuser). Thats it, nothing was done and they swept it under the rug. So every meeting he had to be in the same room with that man and pretend everything was ok. . At 17 my husband was caught drinking and smoking cigarettes. They called a meeting, his Dad being one of the judges and DFd him. He said he did all that he could to apologize and repent but they wouldnt help him. He still had almost 2 years until he could move out so he was stuck. Being shunned under the same roof..ugh. On his 18th birthday, he finally moved out.He told me that because he never got to be a real teenager and experience the first steps of liking girls. Holding hands, dates, etc. He didnt really know how to socialize so he took advantage of girls and always wanted to go all the way with every girl he was introduced to. When he was 22 I met him. 12 years ago. He still held on to the belief but always knew something wasnt right. He didnt tell me at first about being raised in the org. I found out at Dental school from an ex of his. He was ashamed about it I guess. After dating for awhile he told me that he NEVER wanted to have kids in this wicked world. He said he was waiting for the new system. ??? i was like..huh?? what are you talking about?? All I knew was that Jws didnt celebrate and that they believe they are the only righteous ones. His father is the MOST arrogant person Ive ever met. I could tell my husband was extremely nervous when I was introduced. It was at a family reunion. I remember always questioning him on telling stories of his childhood. He would always say i dont really remember. Years went by and I knew I loved him more than anything but I also knew that there was a lot he was keeping from me. After about 4 years he told me that he hates talking about his childhood because even the good times were still bad times! :( In 2004 we moved in together. about a week later the Jws showed up at the door. As soon as I told them who I lived with, i swear they ran and never came back! In 2007 we got married. His best friend, who was baptised, the only friend he was allowed to play with was chosen to be the best man. 4 days before the wedding he called my husband and said he wanted to meet with him without me there..hmmm... His friend had told him that he couldnt be in the wedding and really was no longer going to associate with him. it was devastating. his daughter was my flower girl so everything was turned upsidedown. His only friend (who never got baptized, i think to be able to be a Hippocrate) was now gone. His parents have not been a part of his life so when they showed up a week before the wedding to try and convert me he was pissed! After they were done with their nonsense talk i said I dont care if my son is a gay ( i have nothing against gays but i know they do), non believing murderer, he will still sit at the same table as me for dinner!! Its called unconditional love! There was no response. They packed up and left. They didnt come to the wedding and were pissed that their name was on our invitation as mother and father. Later that year we had a baby. She has seen them about 6 times in the past 6 years. My husband has to make an appoinment and it has to be business related, just to see and say hi to his parents. He struggles bcuz our daughter is now old enough and questions him as to where are his mom and dad. how come they dont come over? My family is VERY close so she just doesnt understand. Skipping ahead..about 2 weeks ago the jws showed up at our new houses door. My husband answered and all I heard from the other room was Hi carol! It s been a long time! She knew exaclty who he was. She started shaking and then said here to offer you the good news. He simply said no thank you and shut the door. I was so upset becuase I have been waiting for them to show up so i could give them a piece of mind. He then informs me that Carol is the mother of his abuser!!! They were still sitting outside of my house writing down shit so i went outside and just stood there with a mean look on my face and my arms crossed. They quickly drove away! My husband was SO upset that he went on a downward spiral and everything came flooding back. I cant imagine finding out years later that I was lied to my whole life! That everything I knew was bogus! Im not sure how to sympathize with him and try to be as sensitive as I can but i dont know what he is going through. I dont know what sort of situations trigger him. He has a lot of trust issues... he has a lot of anger and sometimes it worries me bcuz he is hooked on the idea that his abuser needs to die!! My heart goes out to all of you! You all are survivors of a very cruel and dishonest organization. Your courage and strength is inspiring! Maybe someday my husband will be comfortable enough to share on this page but he is still in shock that he was in a cult. Thank you for listening! Peace and love to you all!!
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 13:54:29 +0000
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