Hello to all my Facebook friends, today i thought i would share with you something personell. I turned 50 a couple of years ago, and when you turn 50, you get a lot of happy birthdays, and presents and its all great, but you also get a present from the Australian Goverment, and not just a card, but a Package!!! And when you open it up, it is a free " Take a dump on a stick" kit! And if your female and turn 50, you get two presents, not only do you get the "take a dump on a stick" kit, you also get to put your boobs in this machine thats squashes them completely flat, and thats completely free too, how come girls always get an extra present? Anyway about 15 months ago i decided to take advantage of my free gift from the goverment, it had been sitting there for a while , i wasnt sure if i would use it, but then i saw a bit about bowell cancer on 60 minutes and thought, right id better take the test. So all of a sudden its like you are an infant again, you go and take a big poo, than get this stick thats in the kit, start putting the stick in the poo, then put the stick in this little container, you write the date on the container, stick it in the fridge,( dont put it next to the lollies), then repeat the process the next day, then you send your couple of dipped sticks (fairy floss they aint) through the post back to some medical center> Well about a month later i recieve a letter, and my test results came back positive, now this doesnt mean you have cancer or anything bad, and it might mean absolutely nothing, but because its positive, you have to go and have a colonoscopie, the procedure is nothing , because you are asleep, but the preperation, is not so pleasant, the day before you go to the clinic, you have to drink 3 litres of ( according to the package) a pleasant tasting lemon flavour liquid, pleasant tasting my ass! imagine drinking 3 litres of dishwashing detergent, then you might get the picture, well what comes next is not great, but just a word of warning, when you go to the toilet after drinking this stuff, you better makes sure you are hanging on to the seat, otherwise the force of the stuff that is coming out of your bum, will nearly launch you into outer space! So the next day of to the clinic and in for the colonoscopie, which involves you being unconscious while the doctor whose name is STeven Spielberg, inserts this camera into you bum, and starts this David Attenborough style of searching through your bowell, thank god you asleep. Anyway you wake up and they give you a nice cup of tea and a nice sandwich, and wait till the doctor comes to tell you that everything is ok, well in my case they found a small pollop, only 1 centimeter in size, which they burn off , there was only one so everything is fine, so i dont have cancer so everything is great, but i have to go back in one years time and have the same procedure done again, which happens tobe about 2 weeks away, im hoping this time the camera work will be much better and i can upload the video on facebook? maybe not, at least get in on blue ray. The point is though, and this is for all my friends who are approaching 50 or have turned 50 and havent taken the test, or my young facebook friends, whose parents are around the 50 mark, please take the test, as my doctor pointed out to me, im proof that the free screening tests can make a difference, if i didnt take that test, i would never have known about that pollop, and if that pollop became cancerous, by the time the symptoms showed up, i would of been in serious trouble, and to my female friends, please take advantage of your free mamogram,yes it probably hurts your boobs being squashed flat, but no more than when you were a teenager and some over zealous teenage boy was squeezing the shit out of them. A lot of us have a friend on facebook who just this week went into hospital to have a small lump removed, and they only found it because of her free mamogram.So to everyone please take advantage of these free tests, early detection is what saves lives.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Jun 2013 01:02:16 +0000
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