Here are 5 things you can do to immediately begin to improve the quality of your relationship :1) Tend Your Own Garden How much time do you spend thinking about, or complaining about, what he or she is doing wrong? Catch yourself when you do this, and stop. Consciously turn your focus, at that moment, to what would be the best thing you could do, right now, to look after yourself and your own life. If theyre late coming home, stop stewing and seize the moment to do something you need to do, or enjoy a great book or movie. Smile and say hi when they get home. If they dont want to attend an event with you, smile and go out and have fun on your own, or invite a friend to go with you. Refuse to let it get you down! These are just a couple of examples. The key is not to let anything they do phase you or wreck your own peace and enjoyment of life. 2) Learn to be Happy, No Matter What They Do If your happiness depends on what another person does, or doesn’t do, that’s a sure recipe for misery. Decide to be happy, no matter what. Find, or create, things about your life that you enjoy, and focus on them when things get tough. So many of us begin to identify with our misery, the Ive been done wrong drama. If youre in that kind of rut, own the fact that you, and you alone, are in charge of how you feel about your life. If you need to change something, change it. But if you decide to stay in a situation, make a commitment to yourself to be happy, no matter what. (People often resist this at first, they identify so much with being the righteous partner who is constantly offended, it takes a lot of work on my part to pull them out of the role that they simultaneously curse and love at the same time - after all, theres a certain satisfaction in being right all the time) 3) Listen to Your Body Be aware that hostility and resentment hurt you more than they do the other person, especially if you keep feeling resentful, even when the person’s not with you! Learn to recognize signs of tension and poor health in your body: stomach pains, neck or back pain, headaches. At the first sign, assess the situation and do something that helps you immediately feel better (note: lashing out at your significant other does not count!). 4) Own Your Own Buttons If your partner knows just what to do or say to set you off, don’t blame them for your reaction. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control what you do. Learn to recognize your own “hot buttons”, and notice yourself as you start to react. Stop, go to another room, do something silly, whatever it takes to interrupt your reaction. This really works. Im not suggesting you leave the room and slam the door - instead, take a deep breath and say something like Im going to go into the other room for a few minutes, Im starting to feel upset and I really dont want to say anything that might hurt us. Sometimes being silent, and refusing to respond to barbs and button-pushing, can really help, as long as its not the classic silent treatment, which is really just a show of anger. 5) Focus on What’s Good Make a point of focusing on what you like about the other person, and what would be good to improve in your own life. When you focus on the good things, in the other person and your own life, the other person will often begin to miraculously improve on their own. This is the most incredible phenomenon of all. Many of us think the other person will never change, unless we insist that they do and repeatedly tell them where theyre failing. Ironically, they often wont change until we decide to leave them alone, accept them as they are, and focus on our own lives and happiness.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 12:08:42 +0000
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