Here is a funny story id like to share, actually its not completely funny. I was born a Luo by tribe. Now, in our oral histories, there is a belief that we talk to our ancestors and time and again they would text the gods to give us a lot of rain, the tears of the heavans for as much as we liked.Only one thing, the gods cannot be ordered to do what they dont wish to do, divine intervention is moreless a begging mission. Now lets see how this story pans out. In contemporary Luo myth, post-modern if you like, theres only 3 Luo people who can stop time, move mountains and gather animals to stand still before them. Please dont ask me if this is a logical myth, you all know what myths are. Anyway the 3 men are Odinga, Obama and Owuor. Raila Odinga is a politician with so many nicknames they cant fit the size of my hat. Obama i think you al know is yet another Luo by virtue of his Luo father, his mother was Irish American. Now my story here is about 1 Luo (patience please) but i just wanted to alert you about the significance of these 3 Luos to the Luo tribe, how they are perceived, Obama in broad daylight or pitch darkness can use his satellite power to count the numbers of hairs inside your dirty nose, Amen.Odinga can keep you waiting! They call him RAO or the hippo because his intials means the hippo in the luo language. If initials didnt allow, he would still be a hippo, that is the Luo legend of him.Odinga is keeping the mythologists waiting for the day when he will be president, Luos and non Luos are still waiting for that day when the son of man who was detained for 9 years because he was opposing a pea-head dictatorship. I am waiting.But this 3rd and final Luo is something else. You see i spent both primary and high school years in Kisii District, that evergreen always raining part of Kenya. It rains like pissing cows i swear!!! On these highlands it can be as cold as a witches tit, I swear!! Abagusiis, correct me if am being a little elastic here on describing your weather, the lightning and thunderstorms is another story, one of the first health and safety drills we had in school was what you should do to avoid being killed by lightning. Lightning kills right, I didnt know that till i attended primary at Mosocho. Some funny teacher told us in his geography class that never ever touch someone who has been struck by lightning. Of course some reactions of disapproval, those who knew better rubbished the warning in their faces because a struck person doesnt carry that charge!! Only risk is to actually touch talk on a mobile phone which of course can direct lightning to your body and finish you to bit hahahaha there were no mobile phones then and actually i dont know how true it is that mobile phones can be a direct contributor o your death if lightning struck, so far i think you can tell that i am not a scientist of any proportion or detail. Anyway, why am i keeping you waiting? My intention is not to demonize Kisii weather parterns. But the weather is very important in this last part of my little story. Well, it was September 2011 when this other mysterious Luo promised on live radio to do something in Kisii town. Now this guy, David Owuor has a very long beard that would put Osama Bin Laden to shame. Anyway, he said on radio (sorry did i repeat myself, this story is never ending) that god or God, some god frankly speaking, had commanded him to shower Kisii town with very heavy rain. The same god or God told him when to stop the rain (by now am sure you know how this story is gonna end). Owuor is what they call a prophet, a preacher, afaith healer (oh sorry he has a Phd as well i.e Permanent Head Damage), his CV can speak for itself, he claims to see you through the heart? Hat? At? I dont know. So Owuor the prophet of prophet was charged for the moment. He travelled to Kisii his official motorcade of expensive fuel guzzling vehicles snaking around the small township, people basking in the heat waiting, the disabled, the hungry, jobless, bachelors spinsters everything, you name it!!!! So he gets to the stage which is surrounded by his heavily armed bodyguards (we hear he gets state security, why, dont ask me). The prayers begin and just in this lunch hour it rains like I GOD promised!!!!!! What it rains, really it does rain in Kisii. Yes of course it rains in Kisii heavily from March to may and shorter but heavy rains still in September to December. Did you say September, yes, i did. So now, this other Luo Owuor earns himself a new line on his cv (pardon my lower case now, am vexed, i want to consult a rainmaker to rain me millions of Obamas dollars). It rained, rained, kept raining for one good hour, now you know yourself that in Kisii a man does not bring rain, it always rains right, but may be, just may be one of the three Luos can bring the rains no problem. End of Story. (I have written this in memory of 5 people who died this week in Kenya at a rally by Prophet Owuor. Our people have become so gullible that they were told they could bring the bed-ridden in hospital to come to the prayer rally this week so they could be healed of their illnesses completely. 5 people died while waiting to be CURED by this bloody prophet.Please alert your family and friends to not attend these useless rallies.If you are ill, take your medication or you die a painful death at Owuor rallies) PEACE https://youtube/watch?v=NSniWVT9QVk
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 01:07:10 +0000
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