Here is my second story for Suicide Prevention Awareness Week. I suffer from being bipolar but it wasnt diagnosed until I was in my 30s. I know I had symptoms from a very early age because I began running away from home at the very tender age of 3. By the time I hit my teens, my life was a living hell and one day when I was 17 it all came to a head and I locked myself in my room and took three quarters of a bottle of phenobarbital in the hopes that I would die. No note, not a plea for help but a serious attempt to escape the bondage of life. The only reason Im here today is because of an extremely robust constitution and because when I didnt come down to dinner my sister told that the door was locked. My dad got on the roof and came in my window, opened the door and my mother pulled my comatose body up by the hair. The pain of that was enough to rouse me and probably saved my life. They checked my wrists and finding nothing, left me to to fall back into unconciousness. You have no idea how angry and disappointed I was that the attempt failed. But faced with the evidence I had survived enough poison to kill an elephant, I came to the conclusion that whatever ran the universe wasnt going to let me die until it was ready for me to do, and that the next time might just leave me worse off than I was now so I resolved to to not try again. This decision kept me alive for the next thirteen years. At school the next day, I floundered thru in a chemical daze until typing class. Miss Taggert was teaching, one strict no nonsense teacher. She decided to have the first type to dictation exercise that day and I fell apart. Literally sat at the machine bawling my eyes out. She asked me to step outside and I did. I was quaking in my boots sure she would yell at me for the disgraceful display of emotion. (We werent allowed to cry unless my mothers beatings had created the tears.) She came out and with a gentleness that shocked me asked what was the matter. Her tenderness taught me a very important lesson. Since that day I have never judged a person by how they present themselves, but I wait till I get to know them. She sent me to the school nurse and I told her what happened. Nothing came of it. Ive very glad things have changed and schools are now required to intervene.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 19:02:11 +0000
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