Here is one of the most important interviews ever to have taken place. The interviewee is Mr. G and interviewer is Mr. CM. We move straightway into the proceedings. CM: Welcome Mr. G, please take your seat. G: Thanks, but I dont need to take any seat. My seat was always reserved from the day I was born. CM: Oh, OK, fine. Please be seated. G: Hmmmm, well, I prefer to sit with some Dalits, minorities, women and youth. I am never alone you see. CM: That is fine, but this is YOUR interview. You have to face this on your own. G: No way. I am always with the people. My family has always been with the people. They have died for the people. CM: Oh no Mr. G. Shall we get going now ? G: Where are we going ? I thought we are supposed to have an interview... CM: Alright then, shall I begin with some questions ? G: Right. But dont ask out of syllabus questions. CM: Right, what is your name ? G: What is there in a name ? Raj, Rahul, Dev or Rizwan, all are names of my friend SRK. But what is important is the Surname. Hope you understand. My family has sacrificed for the sake of people. CM: Huh, so what Degrees do you hold ? G: I had 104 Degree fever last night. But I am attending this interview for the sake of the minorities and the downtrodden. CM: No, no Mr. G. You have got it wrong. I am asking for your qualifications... G: No, I never get wrong with people. But when they bring some nonsense bills, I can tear them apart, all for the sake of people. CM: Qualifications please... ? G: Oh... Mmmmm Actually Quality biscuits are not good for health. They are made of maida. We need whole grain biscuits and breads. CM: Where did you do your studies ? G: Everywhere, my room, Mommys room, my sisters room, our drawing room when we had no guests and even the kitchen. But I love to study in my Papas room and Daadis rooms. I miss them a lot. CM: Do you think you have the ability to take up this responsibility ? G: Yes of course. I have always liked taking responsibilities. When I watch Chota Bheem, I like to change channels myself during advertisements. I dont allow Mommy to change my nappies now. I am a proper responsible boy now. I use VIP underwear. CM: VIP ? Dont you think you are supporting VIP culture ? Your competitor Mr. AK is against VIP culture... G: Going against any culture is not in our culture. I want to empower people. CM: What do you think of another of your competitors Mr. NM ? G: I have no competition. I believe in changing the system. CM: So how do you propose to change the system ? G: Propose ? No, not at all. I am not ready for marriage yet. Mommy wants me to drink Complan everyday and grow up before I can propose to Veronica. CM: Not like that. You were talking about changing the system. How to change the system ? G: That is not a problem. My phone had a problem last week and Candy Crush Saga was not loading. It was definitely a serious issue. But we managed that easily and changed the mother-board. CM: Sigh.... Mr. NM has strong credentials for the job you are applying. He has a lot of experience. May I ask what is your experience ? G: Mr. NM has never experienced what I have experienced. He only saw people getting killed and did nothing. I have had very bad experiences in life. First, my Daadi was killed and then they killed my Papa. I have experienced all this. Some day I will experience someone killing me also. Mommy said responsibility is poison. But I am ready to drink the poison to change the system. CM: What are your expectations ? G: I am expecting myself to be selected because my Daadi and Papa were killed. CM: How do you plan to live up to expectations of people ? G: I am living every day and every moment for the people. I have seen my Daadi and Papa live and die for the sake of people. I will also do that for the sake of people. CM: I am asking about how are you going to deliver the promises ? G: It is important to empower women. If they are empowered, they will deliver babies themselves. We will have more hospitals and Doctors to do that. CM: Oh not again, dont you think Mr. G that there is a serious poverty of thoughts in your CV ? G: Poverty is a state of mind. One can overcome that by using the escape velocity of Jupiter. CM: Om my God... I am fed up, really really fed up. Please give me a break... G: See you are fed up. There are so many people in India who are not fed at all. It is people like you, who are so well fed up are robbing the poor, who are naturally fed down. That is why we need to change the system. And you wanted a break ? You want a Kitkat ? I have it. But Mommy said, I have to share it with poor people when I share their meal. So I will not give you the Kitkat. CM: I give up. I give up completely. Nothing can come out of this. Alright Mr. G. We wind up here. All the best for your campaign and bye ! G: Well, good that you are finished. I was really getting worried about missing my favorite program... CM: The News Hour ? G: No, no, no, no. Chota Bheem... See you, bye bye ! Post script: This is totally a work of fiction. CM here is the Common Man but he is NOT Arvind Kejriwals Aam Aadmi. And there is no relation between them either. Mr. G is a completely fictional character. Any resemblance to existing or non-existing cartoon characters is completely coincidental and could be due to sheer accident of birth
Posted on: Mon, 03 Feb 2014 16:48:05 +0000
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