Here it is... more informative then Google. Seriously Single’s newest edition. Are you in search of a relationship? Or are you like “Wombat” and just out to “dip your wick” in nearly anything that moves? Did you know that you can tell a lot about what a woman is wanting just by looking at what she’s wearing? This can come in very handy, if you’re like “Wombat”. So let’s look at the different styles of women out there, and whether you want to “go there”. Seriously Singles Handy Hints number 5 Is she “Girlfriend” material or a “Cougar” on the prowl? 1. The Black Widow. She only has one favorite colour and it’s Black. Black jeans, Black boots, black top, she has black hair and her makeup is consistent with her clothing, black lipstick, black heavy eye makeup, even black nail polish. All I can say is you may want to consider running for your life. This lady is either after a human sacrifice, so if it’s a full moon I wouldnt push my luck, or is a Dom, which if that’s your scene then she’s the perfect lady for you. 2. Barbie Girl. She is wearing Givenchy or Armani, this lady knows exactly what she wants. She will chew you up and spit you out without even batting an eyelid or smudging her lipstick. Why? Because she can. She’s on this Earth for one reason and one reason only, “the one with the most toys wins”, and she’s determined to win. So if you don’t have the large bank account, the Porsche, a Mansion on a canal, a Yacht and a very profitable stock market portfolio, then you might as well forget it, unless your absolutely drop dead gorgeous, then she’ll just keep you around like a little lap dog. But beware you will be easily discarded if she finds someone with more “toys”. 3. Mutton. She has an ultra mini skirt and midriff top on and six inch heels. Now I have called this lady “Mutton” not “Chicken”. She doesnt have nice thighs extending out from under that mini that go on forever, more like Emu drumsticks. She doesnt have a nice pair of breasts seductively peaking out the top of her midriff, more like her butt somehow ended up on her chest. Not to mention the muffin tops that would put The Muffin Break’s muffins to shame. This lady obviously has no friends that are honest enough to tell her she looks trampy. She’s usually only after one night stands, as she thinks that the more she picks up the more attractive she must be. The “everybody wants me” syndrome. 4. The girl next door. She’s wearing floral print flowing dress, with a ribbon in her hair. This is a girl that is wanting the white picket fence, the rose garden, the bread baking in the oven, the Sunday roasts and also thinks that being “bare foot and pregnant” is every girls mission in life. This screams Matrimonial Boredom to me. You won’t find this girl hanging out at the pubs or down at the local footy game. So if you want a girl like this you’re going to have to hang around the local supermarket. Be prepared to give up the Friday night boys card night, nights out on the town and the local footy games. Oh and I hope you like the missionary position. 5. The Fairy Princess. She’s wearing a skirt, with more layers then an onion, in cheesecloth and multi-coloured, a belt made of seashells, a tie-dyed singlet top with no bra, and no their not perky little breasts, these items will be accompanied with undefinable stains and the unmistakable smell of Musk and body odour. Her neck and arms are adorned with beads and crystals, she will have piercings where you didnt think they could pierce, or for that matter want to. Her legs would be that hairy I wouldnt be surprised if there’s a lost Pygmy tribe taking up residence on them. If you like getting “Off Chops” and not just “Getting Off” then this girl is for you. Maybe consider changing your name to “Rain Forest”. 6. The Cougar. She is always well groomed, usually looks a lot younger then she is, not that she cares. She usually wears the latest fashions, she will dress a little younger than her age but not trashy like “Mutton”, her nails are well manicured with usually a French Polish, maybe a fraction too much makeup. You will find the Cougar sitting strategically in a bar where she will have the best view of the entire room. The Cougar is in hunting mode. If you approach the Cougar and are having a chat, I suggest you watch her eyes, if she’s continually scanning the room you can be pretty sure she thinks she can find better, and if she spots something better she will drop you like a hot potato. 7. The Party Girl. She is the girl that can go out in a garbage bag and still look attractive. Because she knows it’s not what you wear, it’s how you wear it. I’m not talking about how you accessories it, I’m talking about her. The fact is she is just “Out”, she has no agenda, she’s just having fun with her friends. She’s the girl that is confident in herself and that’s what makes her attractive. She maybe in jeans, she maybe in a Maxi dress, but she always makes it look “hot”. Don’t be shy of this girl, if you see her heading to the bar this is the perfect time for you to get another drink, doesnt matter if you have 2 lined up, if she looks at you say “Hi”, if she mutters “Hi” then turns her head the other way, then just move onto the next Party Girl, but if she says “Hi, how are you” then there’s a pretty good chance she’s slightly interested. Now it’s up to you to find out if she’s a “party” for the night or something a bit more. I hope that this will help in the search for the perfect girl for your needs, whether that’s a one night stand or something a little more meaningful or whatever lies in between. Now I can hear some of you getting your knickers in a twist about how you shouldnt judge someone on their looks, and yes I can agree with you to a point, but it’s one of our senses that starts that process.... Sight... so let’s all be honest. This brings me to my next topic “Honesty”. So Handy Hint number 5 Honesty and does she still look that good close up? # Characters depicted in this article are fictional and not related to anyone I know. # If you feel you maybe one of the first six described, maybe invest in a mirror. # If you believe you are one of my characters and you’re a good friend, obviously I love you just the way you are. # All of Seriously Singles articles should be taken with a grain of salt.... you can add lemon and tequila to it if you like.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 10:41:33 +0000
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