Heres a blog I wrote about 2 years ago. Weve come a long way!! FOSTER PARENTING: An Insiders View I rarely do this. Im giving a glimpse inside of my world of foster parenting, not just the pieces that make good blog entries. Ive come to the conclusion...foster parenting is a calling and can be described as nothing else. Im not sure what most peoples view of foster parenting is, or if they have one at all. I didnt know much before, only a few horror stories of foster parents beating or starving children. I heard people make comments like theyre in it for the money. I even had friends tell me about foster parents they had seen with bed bunks lining the walls, and how they thought those people were making a business out of it. In the beginning I was so excited to be the exception to the rule, be the good home with a good family for these poor children that were being stuck in these horrible homes. To be the advocate for them, and get as many families involved along side us to help as well. Twenty three foster children later, lets just say I see things differently now. The most common myth, theyre in it for the money. I laugh!! Ha! What money? These kids come in with NOTHING. Youre left to provide everything. Our first placement was a sibling group of five boys. We bought two sets of bunk beds, mattresses, bedding, a crib, and furniture...all before they stepped foot in the door. They arrive. No clothes, no toys, an infant with no diapers, no formula. I ask when did the baby eat last? Dont know. What formula is he on? Dont know. We are left to build a wardrobe for five boys from scratch. Pajamas, shoes, socks, underwear, school clothes, jackets, toys, school supplies, diapers, formula, FOOD. Six weeks later we get our first LITTLE check. Yes folks, we are in it for the money! Most people think that being in the ministry is working at a church building. Although most people would not label us as being in full time ministry, we are. I could arguably state that its more of a full time ministry position than even a pastor of a church might have. Most pastors eventually leave the church at the end of the day, right? They get to have a day alone with their family... a night...a moment. They dont have to worry about a member of their church walking in on them in their bathroom. Am I making my point? Full time is 40 hours? Double time, 80 hours? Or is full time, every minute of every day. There is no building, no title, not many volunteers, and not a whole lot of honor for the position. I would even venture to say that foster parenting gives one the best opportunities there is to look like Jesus. You take into your home the stranger, the fatherless. You lay down your life. You give all you have to give, yourself, your children, your money, your time, your freedom, your love, your PRIVACY, to people who most likely dont even want it, or you. People who look at you as the problem, the reason they arent home with their family, and the one who is standing in the way of getting back to where they came from. You reach your hand out in love...only to be broken. Foster parenting is one of the most selfless acts there are. You give up your family, friends, and freedoms. You literally give up your rights as a person. You allow the government to put you under a microscope. To invade your home at any moment, for any reason. One anonymous call to a hot line and youre under investigation, being interrogated separately, treated like a common criminal, not one who saves children. You fall in love with these children, be their voice, fight for them when NO ONE else will, only to be told you have no rights, youre only the foster parent. Youre only the person who has taken them in, held them in the night when they have a nightmare, put the band aid on the knee when they fell off the bike, slept on the couch to make sure they dont fall down the stairs at night when sleepwalking, held them as they cry after a their bio mom has mistreated them at a visit, glued the chairs back together after a raging fit, cleaned feces off everything you own after a tantrum.. need I go on? No, the court wont be needing to hear what you say, the attorney ad litem, whom theyve met one time , will be representing their interests in court. When done right, foster parenting sets you up to have your heart ripped from your chest over and over again. If ever you do get a child to let down their guard, to decide to love back instead of resent, they get taken away. You work for months, trying to build relationship and trust with the children, only to start over again with the next set. With a broken heart, and an open wound from the last children who have been taken, you do it again with the next little ones starring you in the face, wondering what next? You do it again. So you start over, teaching everyone everything, every step of the way. You begin to teach them the way your home works. You send them to shower at night, but quickly remember they are new. They dont know how the shower works, where the towels are, or even what clothes to put on after because they didnt come with any. You show them their bed, tuck them in, then stay up all night wondering if they sleepwalk or have nightmares. You start the new day learning their likes and dislikes, what they eat, what they are allergic to. You try not to forget all their names! Longing for the children that just left, you decide to open your heart to the new ones, the ones who will be the very children youll be longing for next. My outside relationships have probably been one of the hardest parts. Most relationships will fall away. Some relationships will be there in hard times. Few relationships will grow stronger. You simply dont have the time any longer to invest in them. When you do try, there isnt much left in common. You now as a foster parent have a household full of needs. Foster parenting eight children, I would guess, is like parenting fifteen of your own children. By the time you meet the standards, rules and regulations, training hours, paperwork, therapy hours, doctor appts., bio parent visits, weekly notes, CPS visits, and Case manager visits, you have added a whole other dynamic to the already tiresome job. There probably wont be a whole lot of dinner parties youll be invited to, understandably so. Who has room for ten extra people? Its a lot of extra work, a lot of extra mouths to feed. Believe me, no one understands that more than me. So, you work to guard your heart from rejection. You cant let it creep in, you simple dont have the energy for it. The fact is, I signed up for it, no one else. They arent obligated to have anything to do with it, its not personal, its not you. Or maybe it is. Regardless of why, you have to be willing to give it up, lay it down...its one of the many sacrifices youll be making. Am I complaining? About the system...YES! About the sacrifice, the children...Absolutely not! As I said before, Its a calling. God has asked me to do this. I do it ALL unto Him alone. I will continue to do it until He tells me differently. May I add that I, in all my life have never been more satisfied. The best things in life come with the greatest sacrifice! I wouldnt trade any of this for anything! I have come to know God in a way Id never known Him before, or probably ever would have without this journey. I have learned things and experienced Him in ways that can never be taken away from me. Im often frustrated with the system that fights against the families that are trying to save and love children, instead of working for them. Im constantly fighting against the temptation to go into a full on fit at the people sitting behind their desks, deciding what is best for foster children and the families that care for them. Its a system thats designed to fail. Its designed to run off the good people. Its a system that needs our prayers! I love these children! I wish they were mine! I wish that while being told by the government to love them and treat them as my own, that I was actually allowed to do exactly that! I wish I didnt have to get approval from a judge to take off on a road trip and go visit our family a few hours away. But I will, I do. In a broken system, without much outside support, I will lean on and rely on my Father God to give me the strength to love these children back to wholeness. He loves them. He wants them. He gave his life to buy them back from the injustice. Im His child, and as His child I need to be about my Fathers business. These children are His business! So, I may feel alone at times. I may feel left out at times. But this I know...there is no person, gathering, or group..no house, car, vacation, or fake American dream..no job, career, or title that could ever give me the fulfillment that this modest, unfashionable, unprestigious lifestyle of loving the fatherless could. For it is life I have found, and a reward that can never be taken away.
Posted on: Wed, 02 Apr 2014 02:39:35 +0000
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