Heres a royalty free loyalty idea for Mukesh Ambani. The more likes and shares it gets, the more likely that he will launch it soon, so please go ahead and encourage him. This idea has been inspired by this story: timesofindia.indiatimes/business/india-business/Mukesh-Ambani-forays-into-chicken-business-to-take-on-KFC/articleshow/24558418.cms First, you go buy stuff at Reliance Living, get yourself a lovely couch or sofa or armchair. Gets you 100 points for every 5000 you spend. Next, you go to Reliance Digital and get yourself a swanky smart TV with full function remote. Every 10000 you spend gets you 500 points. Now, you got yourself a lovely place to perch your ass on, and a complete entertainment system that will ensure you dont get out of your chair. If I am able to convince brother Anil to participate, then you get an additional 200 points for subscribing to Reliance DTH. Then, you go to Reliance Fresh and get yourself truckloads and snacks, meaning wafers, chips, ready to fry samosas, heat and eat noddles and so on, you crawl back home after earning 25 points for every 500 spent. On the way, you drop in at Indias very own food giant, Chicken Came First, a Reliance venture to ensure you talk about vegetarian, but eat non vegetarian, their latest attempt to scuttle KFC in India. Every bucket of chicken nuggets gets you 50 points, a leg gets you 25 and a breast gets you 100. Since you will be constantly encouraged to eat the juiciest, softest chicken ever, lets presume you will make at least 6 trips a month? In about 3 years, with one television replaced, 36 months of DTH subscription and over a 200 visits to eat chicken, you would have earned close to 5000 points. WOW! Now comes the burn part. By now your knees should be jammed, ass bulging, tummy a foot out and cholesterol at a record high, just about as high as Reliance stocks should be around that time. Also, in readiness, the Kokilaben hospital would have opened all over the country, with crisp polyester sheets and Reliance fibre pillows waiting for you. You can now carry those points to the hospital and redeem it against your blood tests and angios. If you are a good customer, the extremely patient friendly doctors will ensure you go through a bypass, chemo, knee replacement and a couple of other new stents. You can even use the points to reduce the amount you have to pay. If you are a Reliance shareholder, you get a free upgrade to a higher class room, which will have the same television sets and sofas you so miss! In three years from, smart managers at Reliance would have cracked the formula on flow of customers, patients, shareholders et al. And Reliance would be ready to launch Reliance Posthumous - Caretakers, Mortuary and Funeral Services. You will be given a farewell befitting a loyal, privileged customer in accordance with the highest cuntomer management guidelines laid down by Reliance. And as a farewell gift, heres the surprise, you can bequeath your Relaince points and programs to your kith and kin, so they continue the tradition of fuelling every ambition of Reliance. A will to this effect may not be needed, especially since Reliance has no intention of entering the legal services business.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 03:27:08 +0000