Heres the space jam 2 plot...(spoilers) The lebron led toon squad makes it to the finals of an intergalactic basketball tournament but they lose, shit. Skip ahead to the off season where lebron signs a free agent contract with the monstars. Bugs and co travel back to real people earth to talk mj out of retirement, hes golfing with bill Murray who insists that he has to play and bring bill with him. Much joy is had by the looney toons. Begin rocky-like montage where mj is whipped into shape by a whistle happy foghorn leghorn and a foul mouthed porky pig. The montage ends with the toon squad winning their semi final game against who gives a shit to earn a place in the finals opposite the monstars. With the toons up by 2 at halftime, green Danny devito shoots lebron with a gamma ray gun which turns him into lehulk (not French). Start third quarter. Mj has a breakaway dunk but is pummeled by lehulk (now sporting a pencil thin mustache) and must be carted off by that cartoon grandma cheerleader. Bill Murray breaks down telling the team that hes actually not good at basketball (hes like 75) but they say its ok. Lehulk is laughing and eating a baguette. The rest of the third quarter is dominated by the monstars and they lead by 78 points at the end of it. After a piss poor inspirational speech by speedy Gonzalez (hell it might have been good but hes Mexican and no one could understand him) the toon squad all but admits defeat. But the night is always darkest before the dawn (not actually true) and the gym doors burst open and the silhouette of two very differently shaped men can be seen. Who could it be?! Well its none other than Shawn Bradley and the dude that played Newman from Seinfeld!!! Hooray!!! Well Hollywood dictates the toon squad wins so somehow Newman can ball beyond comprehension. Game ends, green Danny devito gets shot of planet again, and lehulk is led off the court by cartoon police and nick fury in handcuffs (he now also has a beret. Lehulk, not nick fury.) mj wakes up in the hospital surrounded by his team and is overjoyed that they won, so much so that he has a heart attack and dies. He is pushing 50 and smokes cigars like Fidel after all. Fade to black. Oh yeah, those little mean aliens pull the same shit as last time and steal the talents of Gordon Haywood, Paul George, steph curry, Greg oden, dirk nowitzki, and bird man comes along as himself. The end.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Feb 2014 04:08:33 +0000
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