Hey Guys- When was the last time you did something because you wanted to? Remember that feeling? There was an energy, chemical reactions that went off in your head that you felt throughout your entire being. You did not have to make yourself do it. You just did it. That is truly an awesome experience, one that people refer to in many areas of life. When a marriage is strong, the couple says things like, I would rather be spending time with him or her than doing other things. When someone loves their work, they say things like when you are doing what you love to do, it doesnt seem like work. When someone is serving sacrificially in a task that seems so difficult, but for a cause or a reason that they love, even that is energizing. The losses of energy come when there is the feeling of having to do this - not having a choice. It is coming out of a negative motivational set, and thereby is not fully engaging the person. In fact, it is worse than that. To do it means at the same time that a part of you is resisting it and working against it. That is what we see so often referred to as sabotage, even of oneself. The real motivation won out in the end. That is what the law of motivation is about. It is about getting to the essence of why you are doing - and owning that essence. It is about realizing that no one is making you do whatever you are doing, but you are choosing it for some motivation of your own. Looking at that motivation is the key to figuring out if it is really worth doing, and if it is, then getting the motivation right so that you will have the energy and engagement to make it through. There are generally two kinds of motivation: negative and positive. Negative motivation comes when we encounter pressure either from outside ourselves, or inside, that we do not want to say yes to but do not have the freedom to say no. For instance, lets say you have someone who is really pushy and does not take no for an answer, at least without a fight. So they push. And they push. Finally, you give in and agree to what they want. But you are like the kid whose teacher made him sit down. Not wanting to, he says under his breath, I am sitting down on the outside, but Im still standing up on the inside. You have not truly given yourself at all, you have given in. Inside you resent it, but it is because you do not want to go through the conflict that would be involved in saying no. So, you are doing it not out of any good purpose, but out of fear of some sort. You are afraid of their anger or of upsetting them or something, but the motivator is not positive. It is negative. This kind of motivation can get compliance, but not energized, wholehearted, sustainable efforts. Leaders who motivate out of fear do not have loyal teams, and those cultures are rotten and ultimately implode. Same thing goes for parents who control kids through fear and guilt. Their kinds may be good, but ultimately they are going to either rebel or cave in on themselves in depression or worse. The other kind of negative motivation comes from outside pressure but internal pressure. It is life lived under the shoulds. It is the people who have so many ought tos in their heads that they do a lot of things because they will feel bad or guilty if they dont do them. So, they are motivated out of internal guilt or fear. If they say no they will feel bad, so they go ahead and do it. Your co-worker wants you to go to lunch, and you really want to do something else, but you just cant say no because you will feel bad if you do. Or, worse, you will feel guilty if you dont do that extra work for them of stay late for some reason. None of that is going to bring more good into your feeling about them or the relationship, and it may ultimately drive you apart. Positive motivation. Life, to be sustaining, must be lived on positive motivations. Now, do not go in the wrong direction here. I am not in any way saying that all of life should feel good, or suggesting that we revert to the motivations of the me generation when our society moved from the if it feels good, do it! of the sixties to the if it doesnt feel good, I wont do it of the seventies. That is the mentality of a loser. Anyone who ever accomplishes anything does many things that do not feel good. In fact, that is the big requirement of success of any kind, to do the things that dont feel good, that others dont want to do. To win, you must do things that do not feel good, and past that, that you do not want to do. But that does not mean that the motivation for doing them is negative. I saw an olympic swimmer interviewed and she was asked if she liked all the practicing, swimming so many miles every day. She said, No! It is cold at 5:30 in the morning. My body aches, and I am so tired. Many times I hate it. But she was also smiling as she said it, because underneath it all there was a very positive, larger goal that she wanted: the gold medal. So, even though she did not want to get up at 5:30 and freeze day after day, a negative feeling for sure, she did want what that was going to give her. That is positive motivation even when the particular task is negative. Winners do this each and every day. They delay gratification in the moment for something that will gratify them later. And that is sustainable for years and years, as any Olympian reveals. What is important is that you are aware, in touch with, owning, and at one with the bigger motivations that are governing the smaller ones. For instance, you can do a job you dont really like out of positive motivation. You love your kids, for example, and want them to be able to stay in that neighborhood for another year until they get out of that grade. So, you continue to do the job that will provide for that. That is awesome and very positive. You stay late at work to get it done, for the team, for the boss, for the company, and for yourself. It hurts, you are weary, and yet you do it for good reasons. That is positive. But to do that only because some jerk makes you feel guilty if you dont is not a good reason. The law of motivation is one of the most powerful organizing and orienting principles in life. Its power is both for the big picture (Why am I doing this career?) as well as the small (Why am I going to lunch with this person?). It will force you to get very honest with yourself and clear up a lot of your life by getting to the roots of why you are doing what you do. On the other side, you will find clarity, motivation, energy, and fulfillment when you stop doing anything out of fear or guilt and begin to do things out of higher purposes that have transcendent, lasting, and sustaining meaning - like love, your personal values, expression of talents, and the like. Have a great weekend guys! Cheers, Henry *Pages 94-97 from my book The One-Life Solution
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:47:08 +0000
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