Hey Rewire. Next Monday, I will have another surgery on my leg. It will be my 6th one since I broke my femur almost one year ago. Over the past 4 months, I’ve been battling an infection complication, and unfortunately have been on a losing streak. I wanted to be open and share with you guys some things that have been on my heart and also what God has been revealing to me. This journey I’ve been on with this leg is easily the most difficult trial I’ve ever come to face. The recovery has honestly been quite a rocky one. I have left the majority of my doctors’ appointments with either bad or mediocre news. Many other factors measure in as well. Needless to say, recovery has been rough. However... God is good! Quick testimony: He found me a little over a year ago, when I was just a blind dude, walking in the way of this world, pursuing a selfish life. I was LITERALLY blind. He sought me, found me, led me to an ICC Sunday service (7/14/13), gave me a real good spanking, and saved my soul yet again. Knowing that God loved me enough to do a repeat specifically for me, and bring me back to Christ, gives me great joy beyond measure… so much that it has allowed me to persevere through this trial with my leg. Knowledge of God’s love for me… the Word… fellowship with brothers and sisters… family… worship… bible study… prayer… I used all these and the many thankful blessings in my life to cope. But as the months have worn on, I realize that my coping strategy has been failing. Hearing bad news at doctors’ visits has been getting harder and harder to deal with. The ongoing complications and surgeries were taking a huge emotional toll on me. Changing my bandages became a depressing chore and while I once saw my scars as a proud testament of what God can do in one’s life despite a gnarly injury, it became hard to look at those same scars without tearing up. Finding out that I needed this 6th surgery nearly broke me. Then God dropped some knowledge/wisdom bombs on me this past weekend during the family retreat. He made clear to me why I’ve been having these increasing difficulties in dealing with my leg. He revealed that I was like a kid, in his Fathers garage, using his Fathers tools to build something to impress Him. I was USING the knowledge of His love, the Word, His many blessings, and His grace, as TOOLS to pick myself up and push on through this trial. I was trying so hard to use these things I’ve learned, principles that have become a huge part of my life, to stand on my own. “I can do it Dad! I can be STRONG thanks to your loving kindness and all the things you’ve shown me!! This leg ain’t no thang!” All the while, our Father was standing right behind me just shaking his head (that’s what my imagination sees). I’ve been falling constantly and have become weary and exhausted. Jesus not only asks us to bring our sins to the cross, but also our trials and hardships, right? I need to be humbled. I need to realize that I am weak and utterly helpless without God. I need Him fully now more than ever. I know that all He wanted to do was pick me up and carry me through this trial. But my “do-it-myself” prideful attitude was getting in the way, and I didn’t even know it. Please pray for me. Pray that God do what He needs to do to strip me of my stubbornness and pride. Pray that I would go to Him with ALL my pains and struggles. Pray that I take this lesson of humility to heart. And please pray that the Holy Spirit help ME pray for these things as well, as I find it difficult. Thanks, Rewire. Thank you, God! I apologize for the length of this post. Love you guys, Justin
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 04:29:56 +0000