Hey baby five months tomorrow and as always everyone will be up with you and we will doing something special. I honestly dont know how I am still here. Each day feels like a week without you. The energy it takes me to get up and smile for Kaelem and Savannah wares me out. My heart is just constantly aching. Sometimes the pain gets too much and I just cant breath. I need medication to get through the entire day. I would never of seen my life planned out like this. I was just so happy with my three babies. All I want is to be able to care for you like I always did. My arms ache to hold three babies and feel empty when holding only two. What am I going to do Jakie. I know I have to be strong. I went round Palas today which is hard without you and when it was time to leave I went to call you to give you your last few minutes to get ready. It just felt like my heart had a knife stuck in it when I realised you werent upstairs. When I go to bed I still feel myself getting ready to remind Daddy not to forget to lift you for the bathroom before he comes in. Its these small things that are so hard as I forget for a minute that you are not with us and when the reality hits me, its so cruel. I love you my special boy and will never stop being your Mammy and will always call you my baby no matter how old you get up there. So stay with me and and keep enjoying heaven as I will be with you one day and you can give me the tour. But for now baby remember you are everything to us and always will be. Love Mammy, Daddy, Kaelem and Savannah xxx
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 20:46:53 +0000
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