Hey gang... just wanted to let you know Im feeling a hundred times better than yesterday. I have to say its been a long time since I have felt that kind of depression, almost a decade ago, in fact. Like a lot of other people, I experience both emotional highs and lows, and thats the way its supposed to be... balanced. You cant know what its like to feel great if youre not familiar with feeling miserable from time to time. But yesterday was different. Yes, I was low due to losing yet another part of my theatre family (thats three friends gone in less than a month). I was down because I see a constant barrage of atrocity, not just in other countries, but also right here at home. As some of you know, I have a very dear friend who has been suffering through some extreme health issues that have put her through a series of gains and setbacks for roughly a year and a half now. Of course, I am also trying to deal with Becca being away to help her mom through her final days... and theres much more to that scenario than I will mention here... suffice it to say that I am worried for Beccas physical well being, not just her emotional state. All of this would be bad enough on its own, but what happened yesterday was more about a chemical change within me. I know this because Ive felt it before. Roughly 9 or 10 years ago (I dont remember the specific year, but I do remember that it was spring, which normally does wonders for my emotional state), I had a bout with depression that was almost physically crippling. It lasted a couple weeks, and it took every ounce of strength just to act like I was alright around the people that I deeply care for (hiding pain is a common practice for those who suffer from depression). And it was a weight... a physical sensation of being pushed downward... the phrase weight of the world may seem like an exaggeration, but for those who suffer from it, it is exactly that. If you have never experienced it, then you are truly lucky... just remember that there are plenty of people who suffer from clinical depression and it is nothing to be scoffed at. The thing is, while I have stuff going on within my life right now that most would say justifies being in a funk, there was none of that type of stuff happening in my life during the prior bout. It just turned on like a switch was flipped. And it scared the hell out of me. So when I started feeling it yesterday, it scared the hell out of me again. I remembered all too well how hard it was to deal with the last time. It was during that time that I realized that the best of advice from loved ones is more or less deflected by the emotional state, itself. This is why telling someone to cheer up doesnt just work because someone said it, as if the person going through it just hadnt thought of that. A chemical imbalance doesnt react to good intentions or sympathetic words... it is a physical reality. For some, medication is the only option. I have always taken pride in not needing medication to cope with life, but the fact is that it can be a necessity for many. As bad as I felt yesterday, I could feel it easing up in the evening, and I know that in my case, it helped that people I care deeply for took the time to say some very comforting things on my post... and the hug from my mom also worked wonders, that and knowing that Becca and her mom had a good day yesterday. Know that even when I am low, I am not the type to do drastic things in response to such troubling emotions. That isnt to say that I havent been low enough to contemplate suicide... I went through an extremely rough patch in highschool after the suicide of a very close friend. It took me awhile to find the reasons to stick around, but I did find those reasons... my family and friends. With each person I have lost to suicide, I have grown stronger in my conviction that I would never want to put loved ones through such a tragic and senseless loss. Not to mention, when life is good, its great... and I plan to soak up as much of that as I can. So again, thank you to every one of you who responded with kindness, sympathy and advice, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I plan to respond to you all individually when I can. Thank you... I am truly blessed to know such caring people.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 14:22:03 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015