Hey if you could all please read this, it should help you understand who i am a little better, some of you may know some of this, but theres stuff in here none of you should know, id appreciate it if you could take 5 minutes and read the whole thing. When I look back on my life, I see now that my life has been nothing but failure, constantly rejected by people, labelled an outcast and thought of as nothing but trash, seen as a disappointment by my family, I never was able to impress them… no matter how I tried. Due to lack of respect from my family, I spent my early teens just drifting through life, waking up every morning surprised I didn’t stop breathing in my sleep, wondering how bad my day will be, and contemplating how I will make people hate me today, How many of you can say your parents kept a folder with all your detention, suspension and expulsion warning letters?, they did it simply coz it was my greatest accomplishment apparently. my grades declined steadily over the years, I started at an average C and just went south from there. you know your school life is getting bad, when teachers believe rumours about you, and suspend you on principle. I was well known at my school, 1300+ students and they all knew me, but honestly, I knew none of them, around 2008 I started making my big changes, literally, over the course of that year I shot up from 5’2” to 6’1” and by the next year I plateaued at 6’3” (Some say I hit 6’4”, but I’d like proof) I stopped getting beat up around then, I thought I started being liked, turns out it was just coz nobody attacks a big person, so that made me feel even more terrible, how many teens want to feel their body is working against them? I did start making friends around then actually, my hard work actually paid off, I spent hours at home online looking up articles on how to make friends, the do’s and don’ts of talking to men and women, etc. I got seated next to a guy in math, he was…well, aggressive to say the least, during our first introduction (he already knew me apparently) he greeted me with a jab to the arm, couldn’t feel it for near 5 minutes, this actually became the foundation of my first friendship at school, we only spoke in class for a few months, but during this time, I made another friend, He was a high flying ninja like acrobat, walking down normal paths wasn’t really his style, turns out these 2 guys were friends already, so that made it easier to get along with them. Sometimes I think it was more tolerance of me than friendship, but guess what, those guys are now like brothers, and have been bigger influences on my life than my family ever was. Over this year I eventually got into their little group, seems the only thing we had in common was, at the time, we had nothing in common, but soon, that changed to video games, and then just mateship which didn’t need to have common interests. Anyway to summarise that last little bit, I finally made friends, hooray! Now lets get back to the crappy parts of my life, next stop on our journey down suppressed memory lane, puppy love… 2009 – Got to say it was the most interesting year of my life, for one, I got my first girlfriend ever, yay me! Nothing beats having someone or something to make you smile when you wake up, this girl was that reason, Christ all mighty, I was an idiot…. And so sheltered, I knew nothing about women, aaaaand it showed over the coming months, 6 month anniversary, she dumped me, and to this day, no matter how much over the years I have meditated on the reasoning, I cant find the answer, as to why she did it…. anyways, due to this experience I got my first taste of slight depression, mates worked really hard to find me a new woman to get me back on the horse so to speak, and to no surprise they found one, we went out, saw each other twice in 3 months, and I broke up with her 21 times due to cheating on me, (once again still an idiot) now 2010, now it gets interesting, got myself a nympho, lol I’ll leave it at that, 8 months and 23 days later, dumped, and cheated on . (starting to see a pattern here) okay, after this I went through many…..adventures…. and slowly but surely, made myself a very cold person…. Well, mum called me a slut, but I prefer cold person…. Yada yada yada I eventually met a woman who I haven’t spoken much of in the past few years, and im just gonna call her Christine, no need for last names, im as far over this speed hump as im gonna get, I found out what its like to be in an abusive relationship, and damn, it sucked…. I’ve never hit a woman, and I never will, but guess what, after 7 months and 5 days I left her, no I didn’t have that moral support from family and friends like you see in most other abused partner cases, believe it or not it was a friend from America I met playing runescape that gave me the much needed help to get out of this state of hell…. I didn’t press charges or anything, I gave her this fake name as well, i hate her for what she did but I got my revenge, and by posting this on facebook, im hopefully letting some of you know what ive been through, and well…..why I’m such an asshole now…. anyways, ill summarise again, she physically and mentally abused me, her parents thought she was a perfect daughter that never did anything naughty, she was also a nympho, lol, so she wanted me to tie her up once, so I did, she wanted me to have my way with her, soooo I did, and then she wanted me to go get her food, feed her and then untie her after I’d fed her, I used this as my opportunity, to get dressed, open her curtains and bedroom door, and then just left her there, so that when her parents got home, that’s the first thing they saw, plus a note I left them with a few pictures attached of some of the injuries she caused me... haven’t heard a word from her since so I assume she learned her lesson…. This has been kinda hard for me to talk about, and I’ve got a friend here helping me type this and stay focused on it… anyways after all that I just drifted through life again, and lost a few jobs, lol even applied for the army, but I failed the psych exam due to lack of life experience….pretty sure the shit ive been through is enough, but oh well, Now the conclusion, my life is finally starting to get on track, I’m nearly finished my HSC equivalent at tafe, I’ve got a wonderful partner, who I enjoy spending as much time as I can with, those 2 guys I became friends with in highschool, still my best friends, one’s moved away for now, but hopefully he’ll be back one day, and the other I see now and then, whenever our free time sync’s up. and at the end of this year, I will be applying for the army again, I don’t claim for a second, that I’ve grown up, far from it, I still laugh when the tomato sauce bottle makes the fart noise… but I think I’ve started making better choices with my life. And hopefully I’m at least heading in the right direction towards a bright future. If you managed to read through the entire story, thank you.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 00:26:56 +0000
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