Hey you. Yeah, you. Feeling a little lonely there arent ya? Well thats no surprise. But dont you worry, Im here to help! Heres five easy tips that Ive picked up over the years on how to have a successful relationship: 1) make sure that the person you are dating is not imaginary. It really helps if the person is part of the physical world and not something you just dreamed up. Trust me, this really helps. 2) make sure the person you are dating is an actual human person. No rocks or squirrels need apply, thank you very much! Also, double check to be sure that the person is not an alien who is wearing the skin of a human person like a suit, as this can cause some static between the two of you in the future. 3) always make sure that the person eats food that actual people eat. This is more of an extension of rule number two than anything, but its so crucial it deserves its own number. For example, if the person in question is eating an entire cow in one swallow, that is probably an alien, or you might be dating a massive garbage disposal. Either way, this is not healthy for a relationship and you need to SHUT IT DOWN GIRLFRIEND! 4) at no point should you allow your date to drink your blood. I cannot stress this one enough. This probably means that this person is either an alien, a vampire, or a weirdo. And you have no room for that in your life, no siree!! That and blood is high in iron, so it can be toxic for the person/alien/wierdo in question. 5) while it is important to make sure that you both share some common interests, its also great for both of you to have some interesting differences! However, there are some exceptions that prove the rule here. For instance, if one of those differences is I am a blood-sucking alien, then you probably should get yourself off of THAT crazy train, mister! Well, there you have it! I know it seems like theres a little bit of crossover in these five tips, but thats just you imagining things, you silly little goose! Now go out and meet someone whos (hopefully) not an alien!
Posted on: Mon, 10 Mar 2014 07:15:44 +0000
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