Hi Zane, I have written you a few times in the past. I dont blame you for not sharing. Some of my previous messages has been long. I promise this one will be short and to the point. Pls do share. Btw, pls keep me anonymous. I feel like just by writing you, I should already have my answers. Maybe I cant read the ans in blue prints ;). Heres my situation. I have a friend whom, I can say, we grew up togther. Hes best friend of cousin and thru that, we got to know each other. Weve known each other since we were 16,17. We moved across the country. Him and his family also moved to a far away location. I had no idea he had this crush towards me many yrs. Thru socia media, he was able to reconnect with me. We talked and kept in contact ever since. He even muscled up the courage to tell my cousin he was pursuing me. My cousins are overprotective. Back then, those guys wouldnt even allow a fly near us. We connected as friends, first and foremost. When we talked, it was like we could talk about anything; silly girls talk I wouldve with my gfs, family issues, personal struggles, life goals, the relationship, you name it. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, about anything, I knew, I could pickup the phone and call him. Well, hes a music engineer and I love music. About a year ago, we tried seeing each other bc we both lived in different states. He went thru lots of trouble tryin to get me to go see him. Upon missing numerous flights, my ticket wouldnt scan at the airport, so he ended comin down at last minute. He took off a wk frm wrk to make the trip. Among other inconvenience like havin to find his own ride from the airport bc I couldnt pick him up; my car was in the garage. It was crazy, to say the least but he made it happened. B4 comin, I felt the entire trip was a bad timing. I tried communicating this to him, but he was so excited, he couldnt wait to come. Anyways, now that he was here, I tried to make the best of it. Plus, when he came, we barely had time to see each other. Id just moved into a new place and hadnt gotten any furniture. He even had to get me a bed. I was takin care of my father during that time, so, I spend alot of time at my fathers place. He spend alot of time with his cousin and wrked on some projects. No. He wasnt seein anyone. Believe me. Im familiar with the commentaries on here :). The day he left, I couldnt even take him to the airport. His cousin had to. I had no idea how all of this impacted him. I learned during the drive to the airport, his cousin, whom I hadnt met, whom lookin bk I dnt blame, said alot of discouraging things to him about me. That I wasnt good for him--- how I wont make sacrifices for him. I tried to get in contact with him while he was at the airport but his ph was switched off. I called his bro to find out whether hed arrived. His bro told me no. I even called the airline concernin his flight and they told me the same. Besides, it snowed really bad in my state the day he left. I even called his cousin. No respond. I was really worried. Crazy thing is, none of em told him I called. I learned recently from him, he missed his flight and waited hours at the airport for a later flight. I had no idea. During this entire time, I was so upset bc he wasnt communicating with me. I felt when he made no attempt to tell me how he felt. I basically got the message, youre not a priority to me, so Im not even going to put in efforts to tell u how I feel. This made feel like sh*t. Idk if this is somethin common to men, but whenever things goes wrng in a relationship, most tend to shut down and ignored the woman. It was never my intention to treat him the way things went. Things sort of went that way. After months of no communication whatsoever, he called me but I responded with a who is this? I was disappointed and in my feelings. I recently apologized to him for the way things went and explained to him it was never my intension. I missed our friendship more than anythin. Bc of our shared love for music, I dont want to lose him as a friend. In the near future, Ill like to collaborate with him and wrk on some projects. I sometimes questioned whether Im holding on to him for him or bc of my future objectives. Do u think Im being selfish or I have every reason to think things objectively? Besides, if this man really wants to be with me, as he claimed, I think Ill need more consistency from him and forthcoming about his feelings and thoughts, rather than, someone who disappears into thin air whenever theres a miscommunication. Im I still being selfish in thinkin he has more makin up to do or shud I just let this one go? Your comments will be greatly appreciated. Even if u cant share this post, pls take a moment to respond to me email. Thanks. Signed: A lil confused. MY RESPONSE: This is pretty long as well. :-) With that being said, whether or not I respond to an email has nothing to do with the length or with me picking and choosing. It is a time issue and I cant respond to them all but I do the best that I can. I am glad that I came across yours this time. I do not recall reading anything like this before, FYI. Sometimes two very good people can be bad for each other or their timing could be off because of other things going on in their lives. He made an attempt and it sounds like he went through a lot to come spend time with you. He did take an entire week off of his job to come see you. Yes, you were taking care of your father but it would have been good to make some sacrifices to do things with him. I would not blame his cousin for being protective. The man even bought you a bed while he was there! Yet, you think that he needs to be bending over backwards to prove something because he was too upset to deal with you after being stuck in the airport on the way home. Let me ask you this: If you had taken off work to go see him, had paid for a ticket for him to come see you but he kept doing the most until you lost your money, and you put out money to go see him, would you be upset if he barely spent time with you? He didnt travel there to see his cousin. He came to see you. Honestly, you sound kind of selfish in this instance. You may just need to leave the man alone. Obviously he is not feeling you like that anymore or his pride has kicked in. I know that you did not intentionally hurt his feelings or set him aside but now you sound like you are in your feelings because he is no longer treating you like a priority. He did that, Baby Girl, and you were not ready to receive it. Let it go. Maybe one day he will reach out again and the timing will be better on both ends. Good luck.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 00:40:04 +0000
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