Hi Zane, You may post on FB but please keep me Anonymous. Hi Im a 24 year old female from North Carolina and I seriously need some guidance and advice. I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for 4. My husband is African and I met him in college. Our relationship has been rocky since day one. There where a lot of trust issues that made me insecure about the relationship and myself. We discussed marriage a few times and he always told me he never wanted to get married. So after 2 1/2 years of dating I was preparing to leave him. But in the midst of it he got into some legal trouble and he was in the United States with a Visa and one of the conditions is that he couldnt get into any legal trouble. So he got a lawyer and he told me his lawyer said one of the options he has was a marriage. I refused and told him no. He took me down a guilt trip saying he will loose everything and it would be ashamed because I couldve helped him. So I reluctantly agreed we got married. I cried through the ceremony at the court house and cried for days. He then started to put up pictures of me around the house and started to coach me about the questions the immigration officers will ask us. Well that didnt happen because he got in trouble again and this time he had the choice to stay in jail for a year or go home a year. We chose the voluntary departure. I went to Africa with him I was excited to be there but he was acting different towards me so I left. Then came back months later. When I came back he had a job and a house for us. He started physically abusing me so I left again. This time I left for a yea. I went back home and I started over I had a job, my own place and started back school. (However he was still taking care of me financially.) But I was extremely lonely no friends, I have a large family but not close to anyone and all the while my husband is begging me to come home. (During the separation we met up in different countries to see each other.) So I decided to come back and Im here its been 6 months and he has changed alot but I cant get over the reason we got married. I thought I was over it but it creeps up in the back of my mind from time to time. Hes now the perfect husband. Im having second thoughts concerning if he has changed for me or if he is still after his papers to come back to America. Im thinking of returning to North Carolina and divorcing him. We went to counseling and he said his change was due to maturity and realizing he had a good woman that he almost lost and he was being selfish. The consuler told me if he wanted to be back in the US he would have tried other routes instead of holding on to me. Im unsure if thats the truth. I would be more accepting of the change if he had nothing to gain. I tried talking to my mom and shes so worried about what people will think and the reglious side of divorce that she wont give me guidance or advice. So I decided to reach out to you. Am I wrong for feeling this way or thinking of divorce? What do you think I should do? MY RESPONSE: You did not mention any children and even if you had, the physical abuse would have still done it for me. Baby Girl, leave Africa, go back to North Carolina or start over somewhere else in the States. Please do what is best for you. Your mother has lived her life. You do not have to be forced to stay there. You can make new friends somewhere else.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 15:51:45 +0000
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