Hi all friends and family. I just want to release some of my heart ach. As some of you well know this month is the month that my son Tony was ripped away from me, and even though I walk around with my head heald high, a smile on my face and my Lords strength on my shoulders. I am not doing well as we get closer to that day I dread the most, not only beacause I lost one son but two. So for me July and August are very tough to get through. I am only human and am not wanting any simpathy from anyone just a friend that would understand that a mothers love endures forever, even when they are gone. As a matter of fact that is when we as parents know the true value of our family and love them even more. I know that you may get fustrated with your children, but let me tell you the pain of not having them is even greater. I have to learn to live without them and take every moment that I have with my other three and cherish it. It is difficult because I know that they too miss Tony and baby Miguel and wish things could be different. I will not question God as to why he decided to take them but I will ask him to remain in my life as I try to make sense of my eveything. I recently got a ray of sunshine in my life which is Ellaina Rose my first granddaughter. I have not felt this happy in a long time and she is my sunshine. It makes me sad though that Tony is not here to see her. I always say that he already met her in heaven and that he is very happy running around with his baby brother and grandpa. Yes, my father to was killed in 1990 and that was another difficult thing that I had to overcome. I realize that family is everything and when you have/had a husband that betrays you and is self centered and only care about his needs and not that of his kids or yours it is almost immposible to heal. So I took the route of leaving town and finding a new life a new beginning and still that was not enough to help deal with this huge pain, emtyness that is left behind. I really never understood what he wanted but I suppose I never really will. With all that being said I ask for your prayers: Father as my heart crys out to you, would you please give me a sign that I have done the right thing and that those who attack me constantly will have there day of judgement with you. Father those who have failed me only has brought me closer to you. Those that betrayed me have helped me see that only you are the father to the fatherless and the one that we should lean on for everthing. I thank you for your everyday blessings father. Amen
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 02:34:49 +0000
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