Hi friends Today is a difficult day for me. Why? Well, its obvious, and mysterious at the same time. Its mysterious because I have no link to the towers. I had gone there once or twice in my lifetime. I knew no one personally who worked or died there. Ive awoken in tears today, just like many other September 11s in the past 13 years. Im lying in bed still, unsure if I can go out and face today. Tomorrow will not be a problem, just as yesterday wasnt. Today is tough I remember taking my son to a Jets/ Colts game on September 9th, 2001, driving down the Jersey Turnpike and pointing out the Towers to him. He was 9 then, and hed never see them again. I remember visiting my Dad and Mom after that day, still seeing the smoke rise from lower Manhattan as I drove over one of the bridges, a week or two or three after. I remember my Brother-in-law, the policeman on Remains duty, as well as a friend or two that were on the job at the time. Nothing solid. I remember driving to the jobsite that day. It was so beautiful that morning. And as I pulled into the customers driveway hearing about an accident in lower Manhattan, a big one. I remember the customers Mom watching CNN, calling me over to verify (?) what was being shown on the screen, and as I got there, the second plane smashing into the second tower, the first thing I saw that horrid morning. I remember her screaming, wailing and holding her hand to calm her. I dont know why today, 2014 , is hard I remember telling my boss I was going home. I was getting my kids from school, and going home. He wasnt happy, as he didnt understand. I didnt understand, I still dont understand. I remember my wife coming home from her school where she teaches, and telling me that parents were pulling kids from school all day, and the underlying question of which kids dad or mom worked in the Towers, and was never coming home. I remember the lucky stories, the you made my coffee wrong and made me miss my train, otherwise I would have been at my desk, right where the plane hit, or the kids missed the bus so I had to drive them to school, making me late. They werent my stories, or friends stories, but Ill remember them forever I remember some time in October, going to a new clients home, and seeing limos at the curb in front of the house. They were having the Memorial Service for the womans husband that day. I refused to intrude on that, even though they wouldnt be home. It seemed disrespectful, distasteful. The boss was angry with me again- the customer agreed to us coming in that day. I couldnt. I dont understand it, then or now I dont understand a lot from that day, or the feelings I have now, 13 years later. I lay here now, tears soaking the pillow as I write this, wondering if I will be paralyzed every year like this, this feeling of hopelessness that I cant understand. To the innocents who lost their lives, Rest in Peace. To the First Responders who lost their lives, God Bless You and Rest in Peace. NEVER FORGET I wish I could understand
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 11:59:39 +0000
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