History Lesson: My first marriage was arranged because my parents thought itd help me veer away from pot and hanging out with my friends all the time. I was told a depressing story about a girl who was being forced to marry into a corrupt family in India. I was told one of her chances at a respectable life was to marry her myself. Her older sister was a family friend for 13 years, and Id raised her kids like my own, from diaper changes to birthdays. Cause I do that. She thought my kindness was perfect for her own sister, who she hadnt seen for the same 13 years. Mind you, my ex was about 8yrs old when her sister got married into my family in america. The guise was, You are not obligated to marry her. Go see her, and if you like her, the arrangement will be made with you instead of the other person.. The pull was that the sister had a 3 year old girl, who took to me well, and her mother was old and would require attention while traveling to India. I was originally invited to attend the wedding, and take care of the little girl, as well as tour India. I was as close as a little brother to the older sister. After I was proposed this idea, I was bombarded with the sad story of a poor girls life about to be ruined in India. I said no. But they insisted I meet her. Insisted Id have a choice to say no. And insisted I could tour India. I reluctantly agreed. (TUM Tum tum) I left the States accompanied by only the older sister, her mother, and the little girl. My own family was coordinating getting passports and visas had I chose to marry. I traveled to Bihar, where the family lived. I met a lot of great people along the way, and it seemed promising. I met the cousins and siblings first, naturally. The youngest sister, Sheba, and I bonded really quickly, and she became my best friend in the household. She was incredibly playful and had a humble personality. My first impression of my ex was during a meet and greet the family set up. My ex was allowed to see me and talk to me for a short amount if time. In our encounter the first thing I noticed was the angry look she had on her face. She was snappy with Sheba and was mean to the servants. I didnt like her. But, a part I skipped... The family had already marked the other persons name off the wedding invites with pen, and they wrote my own name in, prior to setting our date to get married within two weeks. Not enough time for my family to come, and definitely without my approval. But I was not one to speak out of term, and I held my concerns. I was in their house, and life would have been awkward had I disrespected the family. I was alone. I made my ex out to be scared of me, mustering every excuse not to run for the hills upon seeing her personality, and put my trust in faith. I was stuck being her husband, and I would do my part right. I mean, she was just scared, right? My family begged for the wedding to be postponed. But the family was not having it. Almost annoyedly they pressured that the invites were out, and they could not rearrange. Hindsight tells me they were aiming to rid themselves of my ex as a burden. They didnt want my familys influence on the marriage, cause like me, they would have seen right through my ex. The older sister was clueless to her younger sister, and was busy making amends with all her past friends and family. I dont know that she gave my ex any thought, or even a sincere look over. She just wanted us married, and wanted her sister as a token in Chicago. What better for sisters than this? Once again I was alone, and ended getting married, despite Shahnila Rizvi-Pathans protests. They eventually screened her calls until after the wedding. She got through sometimes, and me, being me, assured her not to worry, and that things would be okay. My ex was troubled, for all I could see, and maybe I could have helped her. There are two parts, well more, but two main parts to the traditional marriage. The niikka, the marriage, and the valima, the reception. The valima is when you finally take the girl home and court.. Lol. So even after the nikka, our time together was limited. We set the valima for when her visa would allow her to come to the States. (It took two years.) But in India we did get some freedoms to travel together under supervision. (End part one)
Posted on: Thu, 31 Jul 2014 17:06:43 +0000
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