Holy crap, have you seen this thing, Poo-Pourri? It’s that deodorizer that you spritz in the toilet before you drop a deuce. It’s F’ing awesome. Well, I haven’t actually tried it because MY shit don’t stink, but I will be purchasing one of these hilarious manly man bottles for my hubby this holiday. This Master CRAPSman toolbox comes with two flavors–Heavy Doody and Poo-tonium. Here’s how it works. You spray the spray all over the surface of the water BEFORE you poop and it creates a barrier to stop that shit stank from getting out. Anyways, like 9 million of you have asked me to write about this product. At first I was like F that, this product is so funny already I couldn’t make it any funnier. But then I said to myself, what’re you a pussy? Try. So here goes. My attempt to say some funny shit about Poo-Pourri. 1. So apparently every time a poop splashes in the toilet, the splash releases a flowery smell from the surface? Awesome. But what happens if you have one of those slithery poops that just glides into the water like zero-body-fat Chinese Olympic diver? 2. And what happens when the poop is so big it pokes out above the water and breaks the force field? Aggggh, it’s getting out, it’s getting out!!!! Drop some toilet paper on it and try to get it to sink deeper!!! 3. So sometimes you don’t know you’re gonna have to drop one until you’re in the middle of peeing. “Ruh-roh, I feel a rumblin’ in my tummy.” Then do you jump up and spray the pot before you proceed? 4. I can totally picture my hubby using it. “And now the stealthy Jack Bauer sets a perimeter around the toilet so the poop smell cannot escape.” 5. This would totally be me. I’d mix it up with the mini bottle of hairspray in my purse and accidentally squirt Poo-Pourri in my hair. GUY: That’s funny, your bangs smells just like the deuce you dropped in the john earlier. 6. Aggghhhhh, turtle head turtle head, and my purse is like a black hole! I can’t find anything in it! Where’s my Poo-pourri?!! 7. Heyyy, it comes with a money back guarantee. Awesome. CUSTOMER SERVICE: How can I help you? ME: I want my money back. I used the Poo-Pourri but the bathroom still reeks. CUSTOMER SERVICE: Really? ME: Why don’t you come on over to my house and take a whiff, lady? Bring your gas mask. 8. Oh man, you know what sucks? When you have to drop a steamy behemoth in the shitter at your new boyfriend’s place and you realize you’re almost out of Poo-Pourri, so you have to keep turning the bottle in the pot trying to angle it so that stupid tube can get the last few drops at the bottom of the bottle, only when you finally get it to work it’s angled up towards you and it totally squirts in your face. Grrrr. 9. Awww bummer, it was just a ghost poopie. I totally wasted all that Poo-pourri for nothing. 10. I can’t help but wonder how they came up with the name. WOMAN: Hmmm, what should we call it? MAN: How about pot-pourri, you know for when you sit on the pot? WOMAN: Nahh, we need something that stands out more. MAN: Shit-pourri? Doodie-pourri? Drop-the-kids-off-at-the-pool-pourri? WOMAN: Let’s sleep on it. Something will come to us.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Dec 2014 16:10:45 +0000
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