Homeless I am hosting the homeless and have been for a few days. Homeless emotions. Negative feelings. They are not nice guests. They like to taunt me. They have a right. They used to live right here. Right inside of me. They had the run of the roost. They came and went freely. Home each day. Sure, I was polite and nice and even tempered. Most of the time. A flash here and there. A middle finger. Sometime both of them. Some well placed curses. A punched wall or three. The negative emotions were there and they were mine. I felt them and channeled them with political correctness into other things. Suppressed them. Denied them. Acted on them. Hate. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Desperation. All those negative things. Human things. Rooted in the negative. They came back the last few days and it is not nice to have them back. Quite frankly, it is pretty shitty to have them back. Tried to connect them. Saw causes. Saw reasons. Felt the righteousness of them. Just like the old days. A big difference this time though as I tracked them to cause as well as effect. Yet they did not stick. Memory helped. I remembered their product. Those things they lead to…the outcomes. Based on the negative, created in the negative, they produce only the negative. A shit-storm that feeds upon itself. Separation. Exclusion. Attack. They taint in the owning, in the giving, and more. Yet I felt them. They tried so hard to root and I knew they belong elsewhere. They are part of the human condition. What we do with them is part of our own humanity. I felt them and let them wallow without action. It was time for me to understand that it was alright to feel them. They will come and visit at times. Feels almost inevitable. It was human to feel them. Yes, they slowed me. It was defense rather than offense time. It was time to observe. There is much to learn. They came back to visit and don’t feel at home anymore. They are still here. They don’t take the hint that I moved on. Yet they are a bit frazzled. Each time I move to act on them, I bite my tongue. The Law of Attraction helps me. What we focus on gets our energy. What we feed thrives. The story of the two wolves inside each of us helps me. There is the Wolf of darkness and the Wolf of light. One is negative and one is positive. Only one will live. The one we feed. The Wolf of Darkness rages right now. Seen and ignored at the same time. To deny his existence would be foolhardy. To feed him merely diverts nourishment from the light. I shall feed the light. The dark emotions I feel are real. That they are homeless inside of me becomes realer. The Wolf of light is more patient. She has been well fed and trusts that She will be the one I choose. Meanwhile, I feel real human. Just another guy with some shitty houseguests that will leave because they are not fed. What we feed stays. What we feed lives…and lives right under our own roof…right inside of us. I have some more housecleaning to do. I won’t sweep them under the rug. They will leave on their own. Out with the old, in with the new. Spring cleaning comes in many forms. Thanks for looking in my open windows. “I am utterly lost. Let’s travel together for a while.”
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 14:00:21 +0000
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