Honestly, I have been exhausted the past few months. Naturally I am introverted. I like to keep things to myself and figure out problems or conflicts in my life as I am ostracized from the world—unfortunately I frequently do this with God as well. I assumed that the week we spent on paradise (Kho Tao Island) in Thailand would replenish my spirits. With its encompassing jungle stretching about 9 square miles around the island and the interesting aqua and teal watercolors of the ocean I felt this would be the best time to chill and listen to what God has to tell me. No class. No assignments. No requirements. Instead of filling my days of rest with my desire to venture out to the most peripheral snorkeling spots or to find the most enduring seaside restaurants I decided to take time to myself and think (surprise!). Morning after morning I would wake up and sip a variety of chilling shakes—a mix of endless tropical fruits that resembled that more of an ice-heavy smoothie—and contemplate how I have seen myself fall more in love with Jesus everyday. As the stickiness of the jungle wraps itself around me and the reggae music attempts to fill my open and listening ears with Rasta slang I keep hearing my thoughts go back to a specific wrestling match with God. As I jammed out to the perfect island vibes of Christian reggae rap these lyrics overwhelmed my thoughts: Youve been running round in circles lost in your hurricane. And Ive been next to you the whole time; Right now just say my name; Ill run to you. You need to feel my love right now. Every word here speaks to me. For the longest time since moving to Irvine for college I have been wrestling to find my place in a new community. New places come with new believers who need a new and different type of love than my community in Bakersfield requires. I thought I learned that lesson last year. But this continued to remind me that I fixate too much on the community and people rather than having Jesus be the focal point. Once Jesus is at the center then fellowship can happen organically. With this comes the full comprehension that greater is he that is in me (Jesus) than he who is in the world. I also stayed a few nights in Bangkok where I was constantly and persistently harassed by street vendors selling suites, selfie sticks, an other useless souvenirs. The pictures somewhat accurately depict the backpacker culture of the Koh San road and the vibrant city.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 13:50:48 +0000
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