Honestly the hardest thing is to try to keep that fake smile on ur face wen u wanna break down infront of friends. Im a strong minded person and hardly ever get n depresed moods but today is just that day. Prayers to my mom and dad and hope they make it through everything they are about to undergo. Im not ready to lose them and having a hard time dealing with the fact that eveything might not b ok and that i might lose one or both from these surgarys. Iv been hell for them and now im seeing clearly and wish i could have made them proud and been a better person. Regret is a hell of a thing to live with espically when u can only hold yourself accountable. Im not trying to seem like this is a call for someone to feel sorry or have anyone think this is a cry for help. Im sure some of u know wat im feeling espically those who have lost someone very close or know that u very soon might and cant do anything about it but wish for the best. Hate to say it but iv lost 3 kids had cancer once and turned around from recovering to just find out it had returned 10 times worse but in my lungs and prayed almost every day for all those thing to not happen on top of many other thing and never got a sight that things would get better or had one of those prayers answered so its seems a little hard and a big reality check to have faith that this shit will come out with a good ending. But i still pray and would gladly have myself b gone into the afterlife just to know that mom and dad could go on to see many more days. This is from the heart and i love u mom and dad iv lost almost everthig and everyone i love and cared about in my shitty short existance please dont b the next.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Jun 2013 04:47:55 +0000
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