How I Learned To Smile I shout my anger into a corner so it can count to 100 and ready or not go looking for its reason there has to be more to the why than just why not there has got to be a better answer than because because why temper temper I used to scratch ransom notes into my skin as if I somehow kidnapped me from myself and waited to be beautiful so I could pay unmarked compliments to the parts of me that needed to believe I am worth something I was not like the other kids who practiced smiling on pieces of kindness the same way they practiced kissing on pieces of fruit I fought the urge to sharpen my laugh on the pain of others and learned to breathe as if training my will to operate the heavy machinery of my lungs temper temper I buried rage as if planting fields of revenge that would one day need harvesting watched the ground bleed finish lines toward me as if begging me to be done with this I carried a prison in my veins that I prayed would one day riot my body was an office building my blood cells were workers who hated their jobs I often wished there was a fire alarm inside me that I could pull I could send all of them rushing outside to rest in the glowing reprieve of an inferno but I never did this is how I learned to smile by refusing the seduction the easiness by sitting at their deathbeds fetching glasses of water to loosen the reasons from their dry throats I learned to smile at the funeral of each individual fury it is not enough to bury what hurts us we must eulogize it lay flowers upon the headstone and remember that we once quested to understand it we smile when we satisfy ourselves with knowing why or haunt ourselves with never knowing.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 07:56:30 +0000
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