How are you feeling now that the holidays are over and the New Year has begun? I have been struggling emotionally now that the stillness is setting in. I am reminded of my loss often these past couple weeks. Its painful missing someone you love when special occasions are going on around you and you want to share it with them. Its been almost 2 yrs and sometimes I still think Rehtaeh will walk through the door. She would enter the house with burst of energy and enthusiam. Seems like I am able to get through the tough days by honouring Rae and carrying her with us but its the days that follow that feel the hardest emotionally. I woke up with tears streaming from my eyes today. I think its important to remember when we grieve that no one is good at this type of grieving. Sometimes, I feel like Wow, I am strong, I am living without my daughter and I am functioning. That is a miracle in and of itself. Other days I wake up feeling like an emotional tsunami came to visit. Everyday I feel her spirit and strength is with me. Two days in a row my crow came to visit in the yard and stayed all day. She visits everyday and so does her family however this time she sat there all day long. I was wondering why she was there so long surely her belly is full after the breakfast and lunch. But now I think I know why - to give me the strength as I entered into these dark days. These past few days have been very hard. The pain so sharp and fresh and that crow staring back at me is a reminder that Rehtaeh is near -that she is wrapping me with a warm embrace. There are tidal waves of emotion and we dont know when they will strike. I say this because I often get messages of people thinking that I am so strong etc...not true. I honour my feelings and acknowledge them. I do feel that seeking a spiritual journey has helped me in this pain to continue to find meaning in life. As we enter this new year I hope that all of you are able to find meaning in life as well even when you are in pain. I dont set New Years Resolutions because I often feel they are a set up for disappointment.I do enter the new year with intention. This year I intend to find more love and peace within and allow anger and subside. Anger has its advantages when used correctly so when it rises I intend to honour it with love not hate. Honour this human experience because we never know when it will be over.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 17:28:19 +0000
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