How could I not feel this way? How could I not? Knowing where she came from. Knowing what she is. Its 12:58 a.m., I work an hour shift starting in a few hours. I just worked a full shift. I spent the remaining time buying food and litter, bedding, and a cage (/etc, etc.) Shes my kid. My first real pet. I havent had a pet since those two bettas committed suicide in the commonest way: jumping into the drain as I cleaned their fish bowl. The first jumped straight out of the cup. The second, a few months later, jumped past the net covering the cup. Before that there were a couple of rabbits I accidentally killed as a young, immature child. So here I am, $200 shorter, 4 hours before work, ready for the guinea pig Im going to get this Thursday, the 4th. And I know how I feel about her. Im insufficient. Incompetent. Unable. Ive never had a cavy before. I dont know what to do. But shes my kid. And I love her. Shes not a human child, shell mature much faster than that. Shell never have an adolescence (adolescence is primarily a human life period). Shell die much earlier than even most common mammal pets die, much earlier than a human. But shes my kid. A being. A soul. She deserves the best (that a cavy can get, anyways,) but Im just her parent, and friend. Well learn together. Shell teach me how to teach her. Ill teach her where to poo. I cant be the worst parent, some of my friends have the worst possible parents and Im nothing like them. I know where she came from. An idea from the past. She had a guinea pig. Now I want one. Maybe she still influences everything I do, but is it such a bad thing? Why cant I have one? Maybe itll be good for everyone. Maybe I could use a friend, and responsibilities. Maybe Im afraid Ill make a mistake. But I remember all the mistakes I made back then and I know that even though I failed, Im not ashamed of the mistakes I made in trying my best. Im just sad I didnt measure up. No. Theres no way I couldnt feel this way. I cant not feel this. I know where she came from. I know what she is. https://youtube/watch?v=VBmEJZofz2s
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 11:19:00 +0000
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