How do we use the term Survivoron Simrans page? This is a much debated subject in the field of forced marriages and honour based abuse. Simran is understanding that some people are not comfortable about the use of this term,esp where they have faced being the victim in a situation with their families and communities. Survivor is used here in a positive sense of the word...to survive is positive,to survive is to overcome being that victim. This does not take away the feeling for many people who feel that they were the victims by the action of removal of them from their families,indirectly or directly. For instance women I have known and met will explain that they felt it was their fault that their families cut them off, ie...because they did not agree to a marriage ,or they had a boyfriend,( therefore were dealt with by being sought and if found could be killed..fear for their lives...12 known recorded deaths of honour based killings in this country each yr..yes in the UK ) or they chose not to live according to the oppressive rules of their extended families. There are far less trivial reasons given to women for their oppression..for instance....how a young woman may dress or which friends she chooses to have, to the choice of a college education or choice to go out alone or with unsuitable friends...these are all common reasons given to me for the unhappiness of girls who dont want an arranged or unsuitable marriage...as they dont know who to trust given their experiences within their families. We have just heard in the news over the last couple of days of domestic servitude of 3 women found in a London home..who were conditioned to.... only doing certain jobs/tasks for the benefit of their masters...conditioning can be very strong forceful part of such oppression. It may be very difficult for people to understand why someone would not just run away...when you survive by someone elses rules and within their frame of reference..it can take guts to tell someone that they need to get out..I applaud the women in this London house ,the courage to do what they did would have been enormously difficult to find. There are many examples of where conditioning in young women from their families, lays the blame clearly at the feet of their children...and children continue to carry that guilt at the same time as trying to safeguard themselves or make choices for a better life. Many victims are survivors because they choose not to live with the victim label...however survivoris far too easy a term sometimes when you think of the enormity of how to reach that. It can take yrs to feel that you survived. I want to give hope that you can do it,you do not have to be defined by the negative that your family placed on you, there is much more to define you by.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 11:14:44 +0000