How to Heal After a Breakup Here are a few ways to begin moving toward recovery—and away from bitterness By Dottie Hutcherson Maybe this scenario is familiar to you: you walk in and close the door behind you. Your face is a puffy, soggy mess. A relationship you thought would last has just ended, and your heart aches at this loss. Where do you go from here? How do you go from broken and wounded to whole and healed? I won’t claim to be an expert in the area of relationships. I’m still learning as I go, but there are a few things I’ve observed that I hope are helpful. First: don’t hide your hurt. Don’t attempt to convince yourself you aren’t in pain. Admit that you need healing. When friends ask you if you’re okay, don’t say everything’s fine when it feels like buffalo are running laps inside your stomach each time you think about your ex. If you try to hide your pain from your friends, from yourself and from God, you will prevent yourself from experiencing the level of wholeness and healing you are meant to have in. Next: understand that you are in the middle of a much larger plan. Sarah Kuhns, a Taylor University student in Indianapolis, Ind. said, “You can choose to be bitter, or you can choose to see the big picture.” If you mope around for months with a “woe is me” attitude, convincing yourself that this break-up is the worst thing to happen to you since Pepsi stopped marketing clear soda, you’ll lose sight of God’s larger plan. Your identity and completion are found in Christ only, not in the arms of a “significant other.” Your validation and sense of self-worth should not come from your relationship status. Suppose you’ve admitted that you’re hurting, and you’ve accepted that you’re no longer half of an “us.” Now it might be helpful to keep a few practical tactics in mind. Don’t keep tabs on your ex by doing things like driving by his or her house eleven times. It will not make you feel better. Even if you know he or she is home on a Friday night while you’re out having “fun,” you will not feel any kind of lasting peace about the break-up if you begin stalking your ex. This may seem to go without saying, but the closer you remain to your ex immediately following the break-up, the more likely you are to be tormented by “what could have been.” Even if your relationship was short-lived, and being friends again seems like a viable option, don’t try to transition back into that right away. If you continue to spend time with your ex regularly, you might find yourself having to fight the temptation to slip back into acting like a couple. You’ll both need time apart to diminish any awkwardness or to let old habits die. Resist the urge to be physical with your ex. You’re setting yourself up for more pain if you cling to those habits that were once so prevalent in your relationship. To be continued........
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 23:00:01 +0000
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