How to Master the Art of Fear for a Life of Possibility Tiny Buddha by Akshay Nanavati “Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabel Allende Until the age of eleven, courage was just a seven-letter word to me. It meant nothing. I knew all about fear though. Those four letters pierced through every inch of my being. I still remember the sheer terror of visiting a theme park. While the rest of my family reveled in the joy of being transported up and down the Indian skyline in a Ferris wheel, I waited on the ground, paralyzed by fear. Yes, I was terrified of a Ferris wheel! One final day, my mother got sick of my cowardice. Despite my persistent objections, she pushed me to get on a roller coaster. I resisted. I fought back. I whined. But, she refused to let me succumb to my weakness. Dazed by a trance throughout my ride into the depths of hell, my subconscious mind eliminated the experience from my memory. From what I hear, my jaws hung open throughout the ride as I grasped the handlebars with every ounce of strength I could muster from my skinny little arms. On returning to the safety of the earth, my grandmother fired my mom for forcing me onto that death trap. Her response went something along the lines of “he just needs to man up.” Building Resilience In my experience, parents sometimes think they are protecting their kids by keeping them permanently tucked away in their comfort zone, but in the long run, they are only hurting them. By pushing children into what’s uncomfortable, in a safe and controlled manner of course, it allows them to develop courage and face future challenges. I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I intend to give them as many opportunities as possible to experience fear and face it head on. That may mean pushing them to do things they don’t want to do, but parents do that all the time anyway. They tell kids to clean their rooms, wash the dishes, go to bed on time, brush their teeth. The list is endless. So why not encourage kids to do things they don’t want to do in service of their growth as human beings. This will only prepare them for that inevitable moment in life when they won’t want to do something. Any worthy endeavor is often accompanied by those moments. Whether you are growing a business, running a marathon, or creating a happy marriage, it is almost certain that there will be at least one moment when you do not want to be doing what you are doing. You prepare for it by repeatedly putting yourself in uncomfortable situations that build resilience, just as my mom did to me on that fateful day. That day planted the seeds for my transformation. The Birth of Courage One year later, those seeds began to sprout. At the age of twelve, I discovered the meaning of courage on a bridge in New Zealand. I was the youngest person at the bungee jumping site, and the lightest at less than 100 pounds, the minimum weight required to take the plunge. After some deliberation, the owners granted me the permission to experience the human potential at its finest. Since that day, I have spent seven months in a war zone in Iraq with the US Marines, I have been skydiving, ice climbing, ice diving, caving, cave diving, mountaineering and last year, I spent one month dragging a 190 pound sled 350 miles across the second largest icecap in the world in Greenland. These expeditions have cost me a great deal in terms of time, money, and energy, but they have taught me what it means to come alive. Fear is the Foundation for Success I have now developed the confidence to generate money in my business when I feel I need it, only because I constantly strived to achieve mastery over fear. Whether it be mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially, all growth occurs only when we do something that we have not done before. In the unknown lives the possibility to achieve the impossible. Entering new territory is inevitably risky and more often than not, fear accompanies that risk. Instead of fighting it and putting on a false bravado, simply accept it as a part of your being. Embrace it and welcome it. It has been proven that when you fully experience an emotion, it reduces the impact of it. The next time you feel the butterflies in your stomach go wild, just be with the feeling. Ask yourself what lies on the other side of it. Every inch beyond the edge expands the ability to push through obstacles. All it takes is one step into the unknown to reveal the courage that lives within all of us. How you decide to take that step is of no importance. In mastering fear, the level of risk in the activity you pursue is of far less importance than the degree of courage required to face it. For my wife, it took the same amount of courage to drive on a highway for the first time in her life as it took me to ski across Greenland. I am by no means any stronger than her. My tolerance of risk has simply expanded as a result of the friendship I have developed with fear. But we both engage it, each in our own way. Fear is a part of life; it’s what you do with that counts. It never goes away either. I am terrified before every expedition. I was very anxious, to say the least, before diving into an underwater cave. It is through that fear that I find my courage. One exists only with the other. And as C.S. Lewis said, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” As a result, I continue to develop a relationship with fear every year. My next expedition may be a ski crossing of the Patagonian Icecap, an ascent of the highest peak in North America, or my first child. No amount of training will prepare me for that one though. The secret to mastering fear is nothing more than taking one step outside your comfort zone. It is the compound effect of those steps over time that leads to a crossing of an icecap, a multimillion-dollar empire, or a happy marriage. The important thing to remember is to keep taking that step every day, every week, and every year. That step doesn’t have to be an expedition into foreign lands, it could be walking outside your door and running for longer than you have ever run before. It could even be sitting still with yourself without any distractions. Only you get to say what it looks like for you. My invitation is to find what works for you and act on it, for growth and possibility live on the other side of fear. What will you do to move one inch into fear today?
Posted on: Tue, 13 Aug 2013 16:30:00 +0000
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