How to give Stephanie a near-heart attack: A guide for The Universe 1. In the middle of her REM cycle at 3:30AM, unleash the loudest and most prolonged clap of thunder she’s ever heard. It sounds like an atomic bomb. It rattles the windows around her whole home. She thinks the wrath of God has caught up to her, and her dog is standing before it wakes up, stiff-legged, stiff-eared. Their hearts are pounding; she reaches down to comfort the dog, and her hand is trembling. That burst of thunder was The Thunder To End The Storm, since not a single rumble followed it for the half hour Stephanie lay awake in bed, trying to calm herself and her little dog down. The silence is apocalyptic. 2. On the way to work, driving on I-94, remind her that her father hasn’t returned her calls all weekend. He spends his weekends working on projects at his cabin. Flash images in her mind that he’s up there, that he’s in need of medical assistance, and is unable to reach his phone. Prompt her to call her sister who confirms that, although this was his birthday weekend, he did not return any of her calls, either. 3. While her sister raises Stephanie’s level of concern another notch, flicker a sign over the freeway which reads, “Pedestrian walking on median of 94 and 35E commons.” And, as she approaches said commons, squeeze her stomach as she zips by an elderly Asian man, hobbling down the median with a cane. He turns and considers the rush hour traffic eyes wide, mouth open, which is all Stephanie sees before zipping up the ramp into downtown St. Paul. 4. Upon arrival at work, during the worst month of the year, during the second worst week of the month, crash the database. Just crash it. Cherry bomb it into the ground and let Stephanie consider her mountain of emails, some highlighted red from Friday, like a crowd of zombies, waiting to destroy her. The only antidote? The database.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Aug 2013 14:52:14 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015