How to play rock guitar by Jimmy Hots… Every once in a while someone asks me how to play rock guitar and will I give them lessons. I usually decline because I feel that rock guitar, blues, folk, and even jazz to come extent, cannot be taught. These are street musics and it doesnt work to teach them in a formal setting. Having said this, there is one piece of advice that I can and do give and its this: in my opinion to play good rock guitar you must first learn to RIDE THE LIGHTNING. So what does it mean to ride the lightning? Have you ever driven a motorcycle at 100 mph? Thats riding the lightning. Have you ever dropped in on a twelve foot skateboard ramp? Or fired a full-auto machine gun? Or gone skydiving? Thats riding the lightning too. So how do we do this with guitar? Fortunately I have a simple seven-step process! Very few people will be able or willing (or stupid enough…) to follow this through to completion, but for those who dare here goes: 1. Plug in your electric guitar into an amp and make some noise. At this point any friends/family in the room with you will probably say something like oh cool, youre playing your electric guitar. Neato! 2. Now turn your volume up. At this point your friends will say “gee man, its a little loud, can you turn down a bit, we can’t hear our conversation”? Dont listen to them, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Focus on the guitar. 3. Again, turn up more. At this point anyone in the same room will be driven from it. They might even get a bit angry or frustrated with you about it but its okay, theyll get over it. Its pretty loud now but everythings still cool, youre rocking anyway, probably by yourself at this point. 4. Now go ahead and turn up more. At this point you will question if you should or need to turn up any more. Most people never get past this point. Don’t wuss out, just do it. If your amp is already at ten, you need a bigger amp to continue. Stop now and do whatever it takes to get a bigger amp and then come back. How big of an amp do you need? The biggest one you can find, there is no “too big”! For those who already have the killer amps, at this point anyone in the house or apartment that youre in will definitely be hearing your guitar, and it will be somewhat uncomfortable for you to be in the same room with the amp blaring. 5. Now turn up more. At this point you will definitely question the sanity of this exercise. Don’t listen to that inner dialog, just do it and turn up. After you turn up this time it will be so loud that your neighbors will probably come to your door to ask you to turn down, or they may even call the police. Just turn up anyway. Remember, the police cant legally enter your dwelling without a warrant. You will realize the very real potential for hearing damage at this point. Dont be a wuss, keep going. Most peoples ears will heal but some will get tinnitus. Just deal with it puss. 6. Now again, turn up more. At this point each chord that you play will produce a rush of adrenaline within you as your “fight or flight” instinct reacts to the sheer volume and sonic power that is coming out of your amp. You will likely experience involuntary muscle spasms caused by your nervous system being assaulted by lethal high-SPL sound waves. That’s okay, most people will not break into a seizure. If you do seizure, rock n roll guitar is not for you. Sit with your head in front of the speakers and experience the sensation of your face almost being ripped off every time you play a chord or hit a note. 7. SAFETY NOTE: BEFORE PERFORMING THIS FINAL STEP FIRST EVACUATE ANY PREGNANT WOMEN WITHIN A 100 YARD RADIUS TO AVOID MISCARRIAGES. Now turn up more. If youve done steps 1 - 6 correctly you will question your survival at this point. Turning up any more will seem like it could incur permanent hearing damage and perhaps rupture internal organs. You will know you are on the verge of success if this is what you’re thinking. If not, start at step #1 and repeat using much larger volume increments. Now turn up the volume and feel the avalanche of raw, unholy power that courses through your body as you play. It’s like in Return of the Jedi when the lightning energy of the force is flowing through the Dark Sith Emperor as he lashes out at Luke Skywalker. What you are feeling is the primordial energy of the universe flowing through your being, the energy that was used to create the universe, the force of life & death. It gives you power! If you make it this far you will realize that it makes little difference how good you are at playing guitar because it really has absolutely nothing to do with that, and everything to do with the RAW POWER and the UNHOLY THRILL of RIDING THE LIGHTNING! So that’s it, you’re done. For those who made it through step #7, congratulations, you have what it takes to be a rock guitarist! You have sustained some hearing damage and you might have a mild case of PTSD and residual involuntary muscle spasms but that’s the price that must be paid. Riding the lightning is not free baby, it exacts its price! The rest of the guitar learning process is figuring out how to play in such a way as to harness the lightning power so that people don’t run away screaming every time you play. I’m still trying to figure this one out myself… I’m pretty good at clearing a club HEH HEH! This is Jimmy Hots, over and out!
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 03:17:55 +0000
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