*How to use Facebook* I was scrolling aimlessly through my Facebook news feed when a post caught my attention. “Is post ko dekhte hi like karo, warna 10 saal tak sukh-shanti nahi milegi”. (Like this post as soon as you see it, else you will be deprived of all happiness and peace for the next 10 years). Oh! I didn’t know that could happen! I was about to scroll down. I’m so lucky that I saw this in time and promptly ‘liked’ the post. Or else I would have messed up my future. I am sure I would have a) topped Al-Qaeda’s hit list, b) been forced to listen to Yo Yo Honey Singh at gun point, c) languished without a job after the completion of my studies, d) been diagnosed with pneumonia and tuberculosis, not just common cold. e) been abducted by a bunch of aliens who would make me eat alien-cow-dung, and f) dropped me back into earth only to have the leaning tower of Pisa collapse over my head had I not liked the post. I noticed that there were over 10,000 people as smart as I was. The rest of the people were fools. Absolute idiots who decided to take such a great risk by ignoring this post. Just as I scrolled down a bit, having ignored the photo of a bunch of my classmates posing for a Pepsodent ad, status update of a friend who had apparently been cheated by his girlfriend, and the lousy ‘good night’ by my cousin upon which nobody cared to comment, I came across a very patriotic post. “Ladkiyon ki photo par hazaron comments aate hain, ek comment humare desh ke is veer jawaan ke naam, jisne border par dushmano ka akhiri dum tak dat kar saamna kiya”. (Thousands comment on pics of girls, do spare one for this brave soldier, who fought valiantly till his last breath). Yes, sure! Why not! After all, he lost his life protecting us from the enemy. A comment from me is exactly what he, or rather his soul, was in the need of. I respected him, really, and so I contributed not one but two comments. When he would have checked his Facebook profile from up there, he would surely have been very happy to see so many comments for himself. That would probably have made him forget the way he had died, which was probably due to the lack of ammunition when he had needed it most, the funds raised for the same adding to the thickness of a few government officers’ wallets. Being a common man, I could not change the way the government operated, and I surely would not have been able to do anything for the brave man, had it not been for Facebook, which gave me a very handy method of doing the same. Thanking Facebook, I moved on. A friend had uploaded a pic, posing with the entire KKR team. A classmate had decided to tell the universe that he was listening to ‘chaar botal vodka’. Our geography teacher had made a high score on candy crush saga, and a friend had posted a complete analysis of the ongoing test match series. And then, another interesting post deserved my attention. “Agar apne papa se pyaar karte ho to ise jald se jald share karo”. (Share it immediately if you love your dad). As I maximized the pic, I saw it contained a footnote too- “Sorry, mujhe bhi fasaya gaya”. (Sorry, I was entrapped too). Indeed, that was the best way for my friend to show his love for his dad. When his father decides to create a Facebook account, likes that very page, scrolls through its posts like a madman, stops at that very post, clicks on the ‘shares’ button, and sees his son’s name among the people who shared that pic, he will definitely come to know that his son loves him more than anything. It doesn’t matter if he yells at him at home, turns a deaf ear to his lectures and ignores everything that he asks of him. He shared a picture like that! He, of course, loves him! I loved my dad too. The post was not cursed, yet many people, including a few of my friends, had shared it. They loved their dads, I loved mine. So I too shared that pic. I, however, erased the footnote because I actually loved my father, and I was not entrapped. I had had enough for the day. There were practice problems lying on my table to be solved. Just as I was going to log out, the notifications button glowed. It is really difficult to log out of Facebook leaving any one of those three stupid buttons glowing. One of my ‘close friends’ had changed his profile picture. Facebook had wasted no time in notifying me about it. I clicked on the notification unwillingly. I knew I had to leave a comment like, “Looking dashing, bro” even if the person was looking like a nerd. To my surprise, however, it wasn’t his photo that he had set as his profile picture. It was just a black dot. When I took a closer look at it, I saw there were two words printed over the black dot, only faintly visible to the casual eye. “I Protest”, it said. So my ‘close friend’ was protesting against the recent happenings in the country, and had been so agitated by the latest one at Bengaluru, that he gave no second thoughts about removing his existing profile picture upon which I had commented, “Awesome click bhai” and setting this one instead. He had also urged people to set that very picture as their profile pictures too, as a symbol of protest against female abuse. This is precisely what our nation wants, people. 10 million Facebook profiles with profile pics as a black dot with two pathetic words printed over it will surely move the government. What, do you think Modi doesn’t check his Facebook profile before every session of the House to get data about people’s profile pics? You are mistaken if you think so, and also if you think that the criminals do not use social networking sites while committing heinous crimes. So many protest icons will stop them midway; they will dress up the to-be victim in a burkha and drop her home, safe and sound. Our act of bravery, that of changing our profile pics, will help this nation so much more than building an efficient, strong administration. The ‘boys’ of MSY will no longer be so mischievous. Everyone, and not only that news reporter, will be safe in India, and the journalists in Bengaluru will have more topics to cover. Facebook is a very powerful tool, my friend. Technology has provided you with an ultimate weapon, by which you can change your fate, display patriotism, show your love, and prevent assaults. Know how to make the most of it. This is in tribute to Facebook, which made the word ‘Pic’ legitimate. ~ Kumar
Posted on: Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:30:00 +0000
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