How to wake up with diarrhea & crooked eyebrows: 1. Eat something in spite of the this tastes weird factor & wait a little bit. 2. Sit down & let your artist start wax/shaping your brows before your haircut. 3. Spike a fever that instantly makes you sweat, ask for a fan & cold water on your head. 4. With only 1 eyebrow complete & an impending sense of doom, go lay in any random location on the floor, dirty carpet works if your artist lays down a cape. (Either way, youre pretty sure youre dying so disgusting doesnt bother you.) 5. Lay there & listen to an inner dialogue between your soul & body: Soul: Youre poisoned. That has to come back up. Its toxic to us. Body: Um, about that. I dont like to vomit. It hurts. Ill lay here & die instead. Soul: Longer you wait, more toxic we become. Here, let me help you.... Body: OmgOmgOmgOmg please no no no no. Rrrrraaaaaaalllph (repeat 50x) 6. Have a USMC officer take you home while you vomit repeatedly. 7. Bask in the feverish cloud of death all night as the poison passes through your GI tract & contemplate what it means to be outlived by a Shih Tzu. 8. Wake up, shit your brains out while screaming, Why did I continue to eat that? I knew it tasted weird! 9. After youre finally done, go wash your hands. While standing at the sink, look up, see the reflection of Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) looking back at you. And then...finally last step... 10. Look yourself directly in the eyebrow & in a deep voice say, Do you smell what THE ROCK is cookin?! & laugh at yourself hysterically, gasping for air and crying bc you think youre so damn funny & no one nor nothing can steal your joy! With FunkyVic Medina
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 13:20:47 +0000
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