Hows about a pity party? I drove away from work this afternoon - TopicsExpress

Hows about a pity party? I drove away from work this afternoon with a heavy burden on my shoulders. I was feeling plagued by everyday nuisances, and incredibly overwhelmed. Id just spent a good chunk of time whining to my boss about how hard life was. Id griped about the dishes and the laundry piled on the couch. Id moaned about trying to find time for the lawn & trash between bath time, story time and dinner time, & Id complained about the lack of me time. Id started putting my guard up. Id started making mental lists of who to let in & who not to. Id started narrowing my sights & convincing myself that I would indeed be a loner, that I was a mess, too big of a mess, and that no one could ever possibly understand me. I pointed the car north & made a bee-line towards my daughters school, detouring only to drop a patients medication by his owners office, simply because Id forgotten to send it home with them today. Man, where was my head? I just couldnt get it together, I just couldnt do it all. I just cant. Whoa! Whats going on here?! I was feeling sorry for myself. Wow. That was a shocker. When that thought hit my head Im pretty sure my jaw dropped. It was a slap to my face, and couldnt have been more clear if Hed taken the pen from my pocket & written it on my forehead. Get it together. Youre mine. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Howd I let that happen? When did I let selfishness sneak in & eat away at my joy? When did I convince myself that I wasnt worthy, that I couldnt (in Christ) handle this? When did I let Satan take hold? Little by little Ive been buying into his lies. It is too much. I cant do it all. How am I going to be who God wants me to be, who He designed me to be, and how can He ever use me to make a God-dent in this world if I cant even get the trash to the curb? Oh how deceitful the evil one is. I picked Harlie up from school, stopped by the grocery store, then headed for home. I pulled into the drive & stared briefly at our not-so-well-kept lawn. I drug in the groceries, just enough for dinner tonight, and pushed away the clutter from the dining room table. Ok, God, where do I start? I was reminded of a devotion Id read from proverbs31 ministries a few week ago. It was one of those couple-focused devotions, the kind geared towards our thoughts (or dreams?) of changing our spouses, when we should first be praying for a change in ourselves. Ah ha. Ive been there, and even in the absence of a spouse, I am there. Light bulb. I am a mess, but I am His mess. In Christ alone I have been able to stand & in Him alone I will continue to. God, change my heart. Continue to show me just how blessed I am. Fill me with Your light, remind me that You alone are enough, and remind me that because of You I am enough.