Humor. The Rolls Royce THE ROLLS ROYCE by Paul Steinhauer Sandra Bullock is not the only yearning I have to make my great life even better. For decades I have also yearned for a Rolls Royce or Bentley. 2012 was the 50th anniversary of Windsor Gardens, the condominium community where I live. One of the events was a parade. The Republican club entered the parade with my 2003 Toyota Solara convertible. Right ahead of us was the Democrat club with a 1985 Rolls Royce Silver Spur. It was for sale. Asking price: $20,000. We had about 45 minutes of waiting for our section of the parade to start moving. I had a lot of time to talk to the seller of the Rolls Royce, as did several other people. My first question was, “Only $20,000 for a Rolls Royce of any vintage? How many times did it roll over after the train hit it?” The owner laughed, and said, “that’s the going price for a 27 year old Rolls.” Later I did some shopping. He was right. I have a policy to avoid owning a car that cost more than my home. But $20.000 for a vintage Rolls! I can afford that. Then I remembered the horrid voice of every parent of a teenager who has a new drivers license and an after school job and has saved enough money to buy a 27 year old Volkswagen. “It’s not just the cost of the car. You also have to have enough money for insurance, maintenance and gas.” Insurance and gas I could handle. But maintenance? I can put air in the tires. But that’s the limit of my mechanical expertise. And with a Rolls Royce one is likely to want to use original equipment parts. There are lots of used Toyota parts in junk yards. Rolls Royce? Not so much. That means buying new parts. New or used, Rolls Royce parts cost more than Toyota parts. OK so I buy a Rolls Royce for $20,000. Hopefully I own it for at least six months before there is some humongous expense. I could then probably sell it for $5,000. And I would have owned a Rolls Royce for six months! In some small way that would make up for the fact that Sandra Bullock is never going to be my wife. Then I thought about the three times my Toyota has been in the body shop. (None of the accidents were my fault.) My reaction was, “DAMMIT! But one has to expect this if you own a car.” And I thought about my reaction if my Rolls Royce got into an accident. “Oh! My God! Oh! My God! OH! MY GOD! I did not buy the Rolls. I knew my heart could not take the stress. Yet, I am left with an empty feeling. Miss Bullock, how about just one phone conversation? It would help.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Jul 2013 05:49:50 +0000
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