Hurting people hurt people. - Anon E. Mousse In the movie Reign Over Me, Adam Sandler played Charlie Fineman, a distraught husband and father who lost his wife, three daughters and Spider, the family pet to the 9/11 tragedy. Fineman couldnt come with his wife, their kids and Spider on a trip because he had work - he was a dentist. In his last conversation with his wife over the phone, Fineman was preoccupied and he snapped at her for bringing up the kitchen. When Fineman learned about what happened, a different person was born on 9/12. He shut himself out from the rest of the world - including his in-laws. At the start of the movie, I thought perhaps Fineman had a learning disability or maybe amnesia. He didnt remember his college roommate when the latter came up to him on the street. I thought the reason why Fineman behaved the way he did was because he was addicted to computer games. As the movie progressed, I understood. He was so hurt, badly aggrieved, traumatized, that he tried to cope with it by leaving everything he had BEFORE the incident happened. He regretted that he snapped at his wife. He stopped working. He buried himself in a computer game. He wanted to forget everything and what became of him weirded people out. In the movie, it was ruled that Fineman had post-traumatic stress disorder. People have different ways of coping when they are hurt. They would come across as indifferent or weird because they put walls to protect themselves. Not wanting to get hurt any further, they hate being confronted with the truth. Anyone or anything that would remind them of the pain would later on trigger unexplainable fits of rage, suicidal thoughts or bouts of depression. They would isolate themselves and find other things to busy themselves with. Ive been there. Good thing, Fineman had a trustworthy friend, Johnson, whose genuine concern for Fineman enabled him to reach out. At the right time, Fineman started to tell his story and bare his heart to Johnson. As the two spent time together, Fineman little by little started to come back to his senses and be himself. He also started being concerned about Johnson whose career and marriage was beginning to show some cracks. Johnson wasnt perfect, he had his own issues, too, and he realized them as he listened to and helped his friend. Such is the beauty of #friendship - imperfect people helping one another up. In my marriage, I am discovering more about that kind of friendship. I am also learning more about how to take the focus off me and truly listen. I am blessed with a not-so-ordinary husband who encourages me how to understand others, how to understand hurting people. Because hes been hurt before. And he knows that I, too, have been there. I love how, in the movie, Johnsons professional friend, a shrink (played by Liv Tyler), was upfront as she recognized and told Fineman that he had to tell someone his story. She was humble enough to tell Fineman that it didnt have to be her. There were times in our 416 days of marriage that I had to seek counseling. I knew I needed help. It was a tall order to expect my husband to act as my shrink all the time. I needed to put things in perspective if I really wanted to be the person that God wants me to be. So I prayed. I meditated on Gods Word. I listened to my mentors. I made adjustments. And everyday started to get better. Today I celebrate the honor of having been listened to by people who are genuinely concerned about building people up and not tearing them down. People whove set aside their judgments just to listen. People who, by listening and asking questions, helped me realize for myself the root cause of my issues. Today I celebrate the fact that it is only when I truly accept that I am imperfect will I become willing to change, to be better. It starts from within, yes, but humility to be helped by others reinforces real, lasting change. Today I celebrate with gratitude the privilege and opportunity to pay it forward and be a listening friend to many others through the Glorious Hope ministry. A ministry where imperfect people with hurts, hang-ups and habits, get down and dirty to be unmasked, undone, uncovered and fully let go. I invite you to experience Glorious Hope for yourself and Expose Your True #Selfie. April 26, 2014. #Savethedate!
Posted on: Wed, 05 Feb 2014 02:13:09 +0000