I OFTEN WONDER IS THERE EVER ENOUGH LOVE N R RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL PULL US THROUGH THE STRUGGLES WE FACE NOW? DOES HE LOVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE THE MOVE THAT I NEED HIM TO MAKE. I DNT FEEL IT IS TO MUCH TO ASK. IM NOT ASKING HIM TO TURN HIS BACK ON HIS FAMILY. TRUTHFULLY I REALLY LIKE THEM . THEY ARE FUNNY N KOOL . AND YES THEY MAY NEED HIM BUT SO DO I. IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE HIM CHOOSE CUZ THAT WOULD BE WRONG. BUT IF HE LOVES ME SHOULD HE NOT SET BOUNDARIES? AND NOT JUST TELL ME HE IS NOT TURNING HIS BACK ON THEM OR LEVN THEM? HOW IS THAT BEING FAIR TO ME? HE IS A GROWN MAN WITCH WE HAVE A PAST THAT WHEN WE PARTED I WAS SO CRUSHED I LEFT PRETENDED HE WAS DEAD AND IT TOOK ME A YEAR ALMOST TWO BEFORE I EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT SEEING MYSELF WITH SUM ONE ELS. I QUIT MY JOB AND NEVER WENT BACK TO THAT TOWN AGAIN. CHANGED MY NUMBER EVEN. TEN YEARS LATER HE FINDS ME I DID NOT WANT TO EVEN SEE OR TALK TO HIM. BUT I LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAID AND WE TALKED FOR A FEW DAYS NONE STOP ALMOST AND I AGREED TO TRY AGAIN . I WAS WALKING OUT OF A SIX YEAR MENTALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OF A MAN WHO TALK TO ME REALLY BAD I GAVE UP MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND JOB FOR STAYED HM DIDNT GO NO WHERE UNLESS IT WAS TO THE DR AND HE HAD TO TAKE ME THEN. I FELT HE JUST TOOK ME FOR GRANTED AND DIDNT REALIZE OR CARE JUST WHAT HE HAD. EVEN THOUGH I NEVER SEEN OR THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I WAS ACCUSED OF IT IF I DID LEV THE HOUSE. MY KIDS WHERE CALLED ALL KIND OF NAMES HE EVEN DID THINGS TO PISS THEM OFF OUT OF SPITE. AND I ALWAYS FELT I WAS BEING PULLED INTO BY ALL FOUR. BUT MY KIDS HAD THERE FAULTS TO. MY SON MOVED BACK HM TWO YEARS AGO AND HE DIDNT LIKE THE WAY MY X TALK TO ME WHEN HE THOUGHT NO ONE COULD HEAR HIM. HE DIDNT LIKE THE WAY HOW HE WOULD HIDE MONEY SAYING HE DIDNT HAVE ANY. JUST LITTLE THINGS THAT I JUST DIDNT TO MUCH CARE ABOUT MY Car MOUTH WENT THROUGH ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.WHEN HE BAD MOUTH MY KIDS I DID STEP UP AND TELL HIM HE REALLY HAD NO ROOM TO TALK AND SHUT HIS MOUTH. I ALWAYS LET HIM NO THAT I WOULDNT EVER PUT THEM OUT OR NOT HELP THEM. AND IVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR THEM NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY TREATED ME. WITCH THATS WHAT HE HATED. HE HATED THE WAY THEY DISRESPECTED ME AND HURT ME AND MADE ME CRY AND I STILL WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM. THE OLDEST DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME UNLESS ITS SOMETHING HATEFUL AND DOESNT HELP OUT. BUT DRIVES MY TRUCK EVERYWHERE AS HE PLEASES AND I FURNISH ALL HIS BILLS. HE WORKS DAY LABOR. SO YES I DNT ASK HIM FOR MONEY BUT YES HE COULD DO SUM THINGS AROUND HERE. MY DAUGHTER NEVER WANTS TO HELP OUT ON HOUSE WORK. ALWAYS YELLED BACK TALKED AND DISRESPECTED ME IN SO MANY WAYS I CANT EVEN COUNT. I HAVE WORKED MY ASS OFF TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTED. LET HER MOVE FRIENDS IN WHO NEVER PAID A DIME. DEALT WITH THEM USE IN MY HOME AS A WHORE HOUSE. EVEN DEALT WITH HER FRIENDS THREATS TO BURN MY HOUSE DOWN. STILLING CUMING IN BETWEEN ME N HER .I COULD KEEP GOING ON WITH HER. AND AS FOR MY YOUNGEST SON I DNT HEAR FROM HIM UNLESS HE WANTS SUMTHING AND WHEN WE DO SPEND TIME TOGETHER IT NEVER FELLS HE THROWS A FIT ABOUT SUMTHING. BUT YES MY X DIDNT LIKE THAT. PLUS HE CANT STAND ME RESCUING ANIMALS. BUT THATS ALWAYS BEEN MY PASSION AND I WANT NEVER STOP BECAUSE ITS MY LIFE. AND OUT OF ALL THESE YEARS I HAVE PUT UP WITH ALL OF THEM. 90% OF THE TIME I BLOCK ALL OF THEM OUT AND PRETEND I DNT HEAR THEM ALL NOW WITH THEIR FUSSING. BUT MY X WAS THERE PHYSICALLY WHEN I GOT SICK. HE HELP ME MOVE WALK HELD ME UP WHEN MY KIDNEY FAILURE HURT SO MUCH I WOULD DROP AND HE WOULD CATCH ME . DR MY LEGS AND ALL. AND WHAT MADE ME SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. WAS HE STOLD MONEY OUT OF MY WALLET AND STOLD A BIKE I WAS KEEPING BECAUSE HE KNEW MY X BOYFRIEND FROM GRADE SCHOOL THAT I GREW UP WITH WHO WAS MORE LIKE A BROTHER THEN A BOYFRIEND WAS KILLED ON JUST A DAY AFTER WE GAVE IT TO HIM. THAT HURT ME SO BAD. KENNETH AND I AND HIS BROTHER WERE ALL WE HAD LEFT OF EACH OTHER IN THE GROUP SLASH FAMILY. THE DAY HE DIED WE HAD JUST BQ HERE AT MY PLACE WITH US HE GAVE ME HIS CLASS RING THAT DAY CUZ HE HAD LOST IT FOR YEARS AND ASK ME TO KEEP IT CUZ HE KNEW IT WOULD BE SAFE WITH ME. AND DAYS BEFORE THAT HE GAVE ME SUMTHING THAT BELONG TO JODIE THAT HE KNEW I WOULD WANT THAT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. AND HE DIDNT HAVE TO PUT HIS SELF IN THAT SITUATION HE DID BECAUSE HE KNEW I WOULD NOT WANT SUM ONE ELSE TO HAVE. AND WHAT IT WAS. WAS SUM ONE HE NEW BROKE IN TO MY BEST BEST FRIEND WHO I HAVE HAD A HARD TIME DEALING WITH HER DEATH FAMILY OLD HOME PLACE. BUT THE GUY WHO I DNT NO. BUT WAS BRAGGING WHAT HE DONE AND HAD AND WAS SHOWING THE STUFF HE GOT.WELL WHEN KENNETH SEEN JODIES BABY SPOON HER NAME AND BIRTH DAY ON IT HE TOLD THE DUDE HE WASNT GETTING THAT. HE WAS TAKEN IT AND HE LITERALLY BEAT DUDES ASS. WITCH I WAS SHOCKED. BUT HE BROUGHT IT TO ME AND WERE ALL OUTSIDE MESSING WITH THE HORSE. HE SAID HE WANTED TO TALK TO ME ASKED ME TO SIT DOWN AND HE HAD SUMTHING THAT HE THOUGHT I SHOULD HAVE AND TOLD ME HOW HE GOT IT AND WHAT HE DID TO GET IT. HE TOLD ME TO GIVE HIM MY HAND AND CLOSE MY EYES SO I DID HE PUT IT N MY HAND AND TOLD ME TO OPEN MY EYES. I LOOKED AT HIM LIKE HE WAS NUTS. HE SAID I THINK U NEED TO LOOK HARD AT IT AND I DID AND I CRIED AND HUGGED HIM FOR A MINUTE. IT WAS JODIES BABY SPOON HE KNEW JUST A YEAR AGO SHE PASSED AWAY.WELL AS LATER WE COOKED OUT AGAIN HIM AND MY X WITCH THEY DID ALOT. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT LOOKING AT HER SPOON REMEMBERING ALL THE GOOD TIMES GROWING UP AND REALIZED I CANT KEEP IT AND WHEN MY DAUGHTER SEEN IT SHE WANTED SUMTHING OF JODIES. SO WE TOOK IT TO TONY JODIES HUSBAND AND TALKED TO HIM. TOLD MY DAUGHTER SHE COULD HAVE IT. WITCH WE FELT SO BLESSED. BUT WHEN MY X TOOK HIS BIKE AND SOLD IT THAT WAS TO MUCH FOR ME TO COPE WITH. SO HE LEFT MY FAMILY STABBED ME IN THE BACK BY HELPING HIM STILL THE BIKE MY TOOLS LAWN MOWERS THE HOLE NINE YARDS. SO WEEKS WENT BYE AND I WAS AS REALLY FED UP WITH MY X PLUS FAMILY PLUS KIDS DRAMA. AND THE MORE Michael Smith AND I TALKED I DID REALIZE I DO STILL LOVE HIM BUT IM STILL HURT OVER WHAT HAPPENED YEARS AGO AND WE NEED ALONE TIME TO TALK AND BE WITH EACH OTHER AGAIN SO WE CAN GET THRU OF THE PAST AND MOVE ON. I BELIEVE APART OF HIM WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH ME. BUT HE IS SCARED IF HE DOES HE WILL LOOSE HIS FAMILY AND THEY WANT HAVE ANY THING TO DO WITH HIM AGAIN OR HE CANT GO SEE THEM WITCH WANT HAPPEN CUZ I THINK THEY ARE PRETTY FUN. HE CLAIMS HE MADE A PROMISE TO THEM SIX YEARS AGO THAT HE WOULD STAY AND HELP THEM. BUT THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO. HE IS A GROWN MAN AND ITS TIME FOR HIM TO LIVE HIS LIFE HE A GROWN MAN. HE HAS A JOB WAITING ON HIM HERE. I TOLD HIM I DIDNT MIND HELPING HIM FIX IT WHERE HE CAN DRIVE AGAIN. HE COULD EVAN DRIVE MY TRUCK. BUT HE SAYS HE HAS TO BE THERE. HE VERY SELDOM CALLS ME I DNT HEAR FROM HIM TILL LATE AT NIGHT AND ITS ONLY THRU TEXTING LATE AT NITE. AND WE SPENT A TOTAL OF NINE HOURS TOGETHER. HE TELLS ME THAT HE IS NOT BREAKING UP OR LEVN ME AGAIN. BUT HOW DOES HE EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT IF HE LOVED ME HE WOULD BE SPENDING MORE TIME WITH ME. HE SHOULDNT HAVE TO GO TO STORE WITH ME OR STAY THE NIGHT WITH ME OR CALL OR TEXT ME. WHEN WE DO GO SOMEWHERE HE IS SO SCARED THAT HE IS GONNA MAKE HIS FAMILY MAD WHERE HE LITERALLY STARTS SHAKING. HE SHOULDNT HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT JUST CUZ HE WANTS TO BE OR SEE OR TALK TO ME. BUT EACH DAY ITS ANOTHER REASON WHY WE CNT TALK GO OUT OR HIM CUM OVER MY HOUSE. LIKE I SAID I LOVE HIS FAMILY
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 23:33:51 +0000
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