I Was There Lately I been doing a lot of looking back on the years I got to spend with my favorite person in the whole wide world, my PaPa. I had a bond with him that started at a very early age. I was the youngest grandchild and only granddaughter and had the privilege of living rock throwing distance away, literally, we shared the same yard. My PaPa always loved having me around, whether it was helping him in the gardens or playing at the creek you can bet your boots I was around what seemed like 24/7. I think my MaMa was a little jealous at times though she would never outright admit it. I remember times of running in their house just long enough to ask her, wheres PaPa and run right back out to go find him. I spent A LOT of weekends with them, I can remember the look on MaMas face when I would see them getting in the car to go to an auction, I would run fast as I could to catch PaPa and ask him could I go too, he never said no. Dont get me wrong, I loved my MaMa too but me and PaPa were sidekicks. When I was 8 years old we moved about 5 miles away, to me it seemed like we moved to another state because I was no longer in PaPas eye range, you had to turn down 2 whole roads to get to our new house and that was just too far. I called my PaPa every weekend and asked him to come get me and remember now, he didnt know the word no. This went on for years until I finally got my license and a car, then it was back to seeing PaPa everyday. My PaPa was the one person I always told everything because he was the one that always offered his opinion and never looked down on you when you went and done your own thing and messed it all up, he was just there to help you fix it or live with it. I had my son at a early age, still in highschool and not married, I remember the dread of telling my family and the dissapointment I would have to hear from them but even in all that, I remember the look my PaPa had when he heard the news, he was excited for me and asked if I knew what I was having yet and told me no matter what I had done he still loved me all the same and would always be there in any way he could. Not long after my son was born my PaPa started getting tired real easy, he had always been a sun up til sun down kinda guy and this seemed a little odd but I just assumed it was his age catching up on him. Soon everyday activities became more of a challenge for him and really wore him out and became very exhausting. I will never forget the day my dad told me that PaPa had been diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs Disease (ALS), I didnt know much about the disease so I asked questions and did my research, what I found was devastating but I prepared myself to be there just like he had always been there for me. I was there when his hands curled in and he had to use custom silverware to eat with. I was there when he had to start using a walker and sit in a lift recliner. I was there when the walker was no longer usable and he got a jazzy chair. Now this jazzy chair brought some rays of sunshine on this dark disease, he felt like he regained some of his mobility back and my kids being very young at this point loved PaPa to take them on rides around the outdoors and PaPa enjoyed it just as much as they did or more but then come the day where even the jazzy chair couldnt help and he became bedridden. I was there when the disease took his voice, for me I think this stage was one of the hardest, knowing he was mentally alert and could hear and understand you but he couldnt respond back. Never hearing my PaPas voice again was a hard pill to swallow but I was still there. I was there when they brought him a hospital bed and I was there when his bed became the hospital. I was there when he needed a oxygen mask to breathe and I was there when the oxygen mask failed to help him any longer. I was there when the nurse said I think if anyone is not present already you may want to call them. I remember going to get my brother, driving fast as my car would go to get back to the hospital to say my last goodbye. I remember walking across the lobby as my dad came around the corner and told me that my PaPa was not suffering any longer. Its been many years now since my PaPa died and I think of him a lot through the years and here lately with all these ice bucket challenges to raise money for ALS research. The one thing that I can say still brings me peace and comfort throughout the years as I look back is knowing that my PaPa knew I was there.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:14:30 +0000