I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. (The American Catholic version of wedding Vows via Wikipedia) For Better of For Worse. Everyone can be married for better. So why do we have such high divorce rate? The Worse. Several things have saved me in this respect. 1. I yield to no one but my wife. As a man making my way I believe I have what it takes to succeed, I believe God in Heaven has blessed me with all the skill and strength to conquer. That said, it became abundantly clear when I met my wife that her gifts with people far exceeded my own. I yield to her both out of love and respect. It does not diminish me. 2. Stress happens, its how you cope with it that matters. When Farrell was born I was offshore and fighting to get in to meet him. When the call came to tell me he had Downs I was devastated. Fortunately God in his wisdom led me to hear words of wisdom. Rather than mourn the loss of the image I had created of my son, I made it home and embraced what he was and is, a blessing conceived in love,by love. Many marriages have been destroyed by those who cant see whats in front of them but have expectations forged in their hearts that are not real. Release your self from expectation and embrace reality. 3. Our priest made us go to a Monastery for our Pre Canna ( pre marriage retreat) It was designed to bring up topics to create open dialog so you both know what each other think and believe. On the topic of fidelity I met a challenge. I believed that if my wife cheated I would drop her like a rock. The priest posed questions if that was the worseand if you could not forgive and try to work out what was broken why get married. After reflection I saw what he was trying to show me. Dr. James Dobson brought up similar ideas in his books about marriage and fidelity. Whatever is the worse for you the commitment you make when you vow is you will face it together. Ideally your spouse does not give you the worse. However,when your faced with trials by fire, I like to remember Daniels friends in the Furnace. They stuck together and prayed and when the King looked in the fire he saw they were not alone. They also came out unharmed. I have learned to confide my fears to my wife. To share is one of the higher forms of love. Sharing hopes and dreams are easy, to share fears and be vulnerable is love. Open communication and what has been called Non Violent communication is key. NVC is saying from this day on I will guard my words against negative speech towards myself and others. It stems from taking the time to be grateful for what you have each day. Gratitude makes it harder to speak negatively. I am still working on this part of my life for sure.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 08:26:32 +0000
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