I am a victim...[Not for delicate readers.] This may well be a true story. OK, Ive been driving a new car since this summer. Ive been babying this car. I dont eat in it. I dont drink in it. I take off my wet jacket and put it in the trunk in a bag rather than wet the interior. I certainly dont want to do anything to harm it. Ive been hesitant to give rides to my kids in my car and I love my kids! Well, one day, driving, Id eaten egg salad sandwich and kimchee for lunch and my stomach was churning. I got off the road and pulled into the nearest parking lot and popped the door and jumped out just before I popped nasty. Some farts never leave and Kimchee and egg salad would definitely be bad and I had to compare risks: the paint outside might be buffed out if it didnt blister, but the interior would never be the same. Whew! Car remained unspoiled. That accomplished, I started to get back into my car and some harsh ladys voice rang out You going to jump out, do that and leave? A mans voice threw Thats disrespectful! I turned and realized to my horror, I was surrounded by a bunch of big, hairy people wearing leather jackets standing around around big motorcycles! I realized I was in front of a well known business which sold accessories to such people and they were gathered, in good numbers, likely assembling for a Friday afternoon ride and they did not fully appreciate my situation and assumed I made a gesture. You better be heading in to buy something. The woman said. I closed my car door and walked into a biker store, somewhere I had not intended to go and I had a entourage of smirking, big people in leather and denim watching me and following me in. The lady calls out Kitty (or Kimmy), this gentleman is here to shop! I walked over to a counter where they had some pins and stuff for like $4.99 and more but big biker mom shook her head. I walked over to the neckerchiefs and head scarves and big bearded guy got in front of me and shook his head and jerked his thumb over to where the jackets hung. A group of them chuckled. The clerk walks over and Im thinking its good because they wont have my size. Im very short and very round. They had my size. Very short and very round. One jacket, used, and ugly. Why would someone put red diamond cutouts in the armpits of a biker jacket to enlarge it and what was up with the skull with wings? Was that dirt, blood, mud or grease in the lining? Whoever cut off the big patch on the back wasnt very careful or was in a big hurry. It was on sale. $350...Yes, I walked up to the counter and pulled out the plastic while the bikers chuckled and nodded. I leaned in and asked the young tattooed girl what the return policy was as she rang up my sale, and the biggest guy said Dont worry about the stores return policy, Our return policy is if you return it, we visit you. So for the last several months Ive been driving around with a leather jacket wrapped up in a yard waste bag that I cant return, and that looks like something from Forensic Files, and I dont want to list on craigs because one of them might see it. OK, so I paid $350 plus tax so I could avoid farting in my new car. Then I had to give a friend a ride and that unnamed individual I drove in my car let fly a horrible one. Just like that. My car is never going to be the same. So I told him this story and he laughed so hard he farted again! The way I figure it, someone owes me $700 and hes going to get an interesting leather jacket for Christmas.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 05:50:07 +0000
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