I am alone in another hotel room, on another trip for work and I always seem to get a bit philosophical and a bit melancholy when I am alone on airplanes and in empty hotels rooms so feel free to ignore this sappy drivel and meandering diatribe… I am often surprised at the many things affect me, the things that make me feel angry, insecure, awkward or create a sense of loss. Most often, it is stray words, I say them to others and others say them to me. It is often the smallest things…and in our busy lives we do this more than we realize, I really try to be careful to not make those little mistakes that hurt people, but I often fail. However, in the past 24 hours, the following small words hurt me and created a lingering sense of loss. Robin Williams is dead. These words hit during a very stressful time at work and home and while I was fighting my greatest person daemon…my anger. Nothing in my life has caused me or the people I love, the people I work with and the people I care about more pain than when my walls come down and my anger escapes. I am like the Hulk in this respect, I try to be Bruce Banner (The Mark Ruffalo version) most of the time, but when the “other guy” escapes I can do irreparable damage in a very short time and it takes a very long time to seek forgiveness. When the rage is over, I feel small and broken and full of despair. This is when Annette and my family and my friends have to help put me back together again. Then I am ready to rally and begin again. One of the key metrics in my life is length of time between these rages, because they always cause damage. The past 72 hours the other guy has been winning, but I think he is back in the cage. As I am come off one of these hulk-like rages to hear of the passing of Robin Williams created a deep sense of loss for me. I don’t think I have ever been the kind of person put celebrities on a pedestal, I have always felt you should respect the art, but not always the artist, unless you have met them and know them as human beings. However, I always felt a kinship to him and his work. I loved the intelligence, joy and thoughtfulness of his humor and dramatic arts. His work always made me feel that if you could keep laughing and keep loving that everything else will work itself out. To hear that he could not find that same inspiration in his own work and family makes me wonder how someone who gave so much to life could not find the will to go on. Robin, I will miss what you brought to the world and I want to express my condolences to your family and the loved ones who grieve for you and loved Robin the man, vs Robin the celebrity. However, this was not the only thing that bothered me. It made me wonder about the departure from this plane of existence of my friend (I wish I had a stronger/better word) Kevin Workman. He created much of the same joy and humor and thoughtfulness in the world…but at the end before he got sick and did not recover…I felt that despite all the people he brought together and how much love he created in life, he still felt alone. Somehow, we had failed to make him feel the love we shared for him, and that he had not found the right person love just him as a man, not the as the great tribal organizer. I don’t know this for a fact and if this was true, I can’t escape the thoughts and feelings greater loss and sorrow for his passing when he did. Kevin if you can hear me, I am profoundly sorry if this was true. You deserved and earned more. So take the time today and tomorrow and the day after to remind those around you that you love them and let them know that even if they don’t always feel it, they are not alone. Let them know that when they need it, you will help them put their beasts in the cage and pick up the broken pieces and put them back together again. Ok my sappy and morose diatribe is now over :)
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 04:04:36 +0000
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