I am desperate...... I come to this group with utter desperation.... I am a mother and stepmother. My biological son is 14 and developmentally disabled. My step-children are 13, 12, and 9. I have been their step-mother for 8 years. We are a very close knit family. I believe I have very affectionate and close relationships with my stepkids. Their mother hates me, and resents the fact that I have good relationships with them. But thats not the worst of it.... A little back history..... my husbands exwife left their marriage, and left the children behind with him when she moved out. They were with him for a time before she realized she could be getting cash money if only the kids lived with her. She reclaimed them, and the court supported this. A few months later, she dropped the kids off with their dad again, and took off. She was gone for nearly 2 months. When she returned, she demanded more child support and the children back. The court supported her in this as well, but granted my husband joint physical custody. For the next 7 years, the children lived in our home 180 days a year, and Mom relocated herself and the children 12 times. Each relocation puts the kids farther from us. During these 8 years, Mom has grown to resent me more and more as the children get older and our relationships become even stronger. I am a career mom, always have been. As a single mom, I worked two jobs to support my son and his special needs. As a married mom and stepmom, that has not changed. I still work full-time, two jobs, and spend every moment I can with all 4 of my kids. I make sure the time we have together is of absolute quality. We talk, we walk, we play outside, we take long rides, we even sit in cafes and just talk and catch up. I am strict in parenting as I demand respect be given in my household, but also earned. My kids are all good students and polite. We live on a farm, which my husband runs, and our kids all help out. They are wonderful human beings. But it bothers their mother tremendously that the children love me. During a period of high conflict, I came right out and asked Mom, What is your problem? I love these kids, and because I love them, I take exceptional care of them. You should be thankful that I am not some psycho stepparent who hates your kids and makes them miserable. Her response was a snide, Whatever b*tch. She attempted to take me to court and asked the judge to force my son out of our home on the days her children were with us - that would have been 180 days a year that my son would not be allowed to live in his own home. Thankfully, the judge saw the lunacy in that request and instantly denied it, especially when my sons biological father is not involved at all. My son has no where else to go. But that example shows you how rigidly cruel this woman can be. In my personal opinion and experience, she shows narcissistic tendencies. She refuses to work and support herself. She moves from man to man, which is why the 12 relocations occurred. She is on food stamps and other assistance programs using the kids names as primary dependents in her household even though her custody is only 50%. She negates her boyfriends income to any court or official. It is difficult for the children to look up to her because of the way she chooses to live her life. In 2013, my 3 stepchildren started to make concerning statements that indicated physical abuse and neglect from their mother and her boyfriends. At first we gave her the benefit of doubt. But as their statements became more alarming and detailed, we decided to call Child Protective Services and asked them what we should do. They sent a social worker out to speak to the children. After those 5 hour interviews, the social worker concluded that a formal assessment and investigation needed to be complete. In the interim, the Department recommended the children remain in our custody. 35 days later, the Dept concluded their investigation and indicated Mom for moderate physical and verbal abuse, and neglect. The CPS social worker testified in court to the abuse and recommended the court allocate the childrens full custody to my husband. The Court allocated to us the primary custody of the 13 year old, but not the younger two children. Everyone was appalled by this ruling. The judge said the abuse was not severe enough to remove the younger two. Ever since, the 13 year old has lived in our sole custody as both Mom and daughter refuse to have any positive contact with each other. However, Mom has spent the last 2 years alienating my husband and I from the 12 and 9 year olds while claiming that we are alienating her from the 13 yr old. She has restricted contact for months on end, then suddenly permits it. She has fled the state with them and refused to tell us where they are, then returns and allows contact. Two months ago, Mom decided to make false allegations against my husband and obtained a temporary protection from abuse order. It lasted nearly 2 months.... but thankfully the judge saw through her lies and dismissed the charges... but that is time we will never get back with the kids because she restricted contact for its duration. And the court did nothing. Its an emotional nightmare of a roller-coaster. Meanwhile, my poor 14 year old is caught up in the whirlwind of it all. To help him feel more secure, my husband has officially adopted him and give *our* son his last name; it was a tremendous thing to do for him. We now all share the same last name, which means a whole bunch to him but now my 13 year old stepdaughter wants me to adopt her... and Mom will never consent.... Being a mom is hard enough. Being a stepmom is even harder. Being a working mom and stepmom with a psychotic exwife to content with who continues to try and keep the kids from their father and stepmother is just exhausting. Every day is a new battle. I swear, she sits around thinking up ways to hurt my household. I am tired of it. But I dont know what else we can do to stop her imposition upon ours and the kids peacable living. Mom has been attempting to alienate my husband from the kids for years.... in a variety of ways.... while alienating herself from her oldest child... I just dont get it... nor do I know how to fight it. The emotional damage she is doing to her own children is staggering.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 01:04:59 +0000
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