I am feeling more and more blessed every day I am here...other than not having my son with me of course (which has left a huge gaping hole in my soul - but I know he is where he needs to be after the evil I had to contend with in July). Add to that the realization that with as slow and dry as things are with work right now - especially in the california bay area...I am feeling more and more like this very unexpected detour to the red rocks and vortexes of sedona has turned out to be very much in my favor and nothing but a HUGE blessing...I thought God had quite the sense of humor when I first relocated out this way quite unexpectedly but am finding it was probably very much in my own best interest to be here vs several other locations at the moment...it is amazing how God can take evil, corrupt companies, people and situations and turn the situation around to where you manage to still find yourself blessed despite the evil other people TRY to bring your way. I have never spoken much about my spiritual beliefs because I have always felt it is very much a personal journey and "to each their own"...that has probably been very much to my detriment to not be open about my spirituality but I find it so ignorant and distasteful when others bang the Bible and point fingers at others for not living how they think they should or using vocabulary they think they should not use based on their own limited education or life experiences - or a million other "shoulds" when in actuality often times the one doing the judging and bashing has much more sin in their own lives to clean up than the person they are pointing a finger at. I know when I am being most judgemental I can point to many things about my own life I should be working on instead of passing judgement on anyone else around me. I have lived among Catholics, Mormons, Jewish, New Age, Buddhists and even had a wonderful few years in the smokey mountains near the Billy Graham area - and I made the choice to experience everything else that exists from a spiritual standpoint - no matter what ignorant judgements came my way (i literally a nurse in california ask me - no accuse me - of believing in voodoo or witchcraft - ridiculous and such an ignorant thing for anyone to say to another human being no matter the circumstances)...that is the beauty of my travels - discovering how others live their lives in accordance to the beliefs with which they were raised. I find it terribly distasteful when I hear others say Catholics or Jewish people are "going to hell" or any other denomination for that matter because I truly believe God makes that decision - none of us - and thank God for that because I certainly would not want my spiritual destiny in the hands of people who bash, judge, make up or believe and judge people based on such terrible rumors that often go around about others - especially us travel nurses from time to time - I have experienced first hand how detrimental to ones life this sort of thing can be because of my unconventional work situation. I had a new charge nurse at a surgery center in texas recently who twice intentionally walked up to me stepped on my foot and pushed me out of the way so she could stand between me and the night nurse manager - twice. this woman wears a cross around her neck and talks about church all the time...but she is the nastiest most non christian person i have met in a long time. I am just trying to make a point today I guess - I recognize the warmth and beauty of Texas people and some of their spiritual beliefs after being away so many years - it felt so good and warm to be back home. But I also recognized after being back home for a few years how some people can use religion in such a dangerous way. But life without some sort of spirituality is just hollow and empty...sometimes I have to admit over the years I found a hard time seeing God in what I do from day to day - I often asked where He was in anything that was going on around me in California for a few years - but He was there...trust me, He was there - along with other "earth angels" who protected me and watched over me and got me through those difficult years. Then there were times back home in Texas when I had the honor of meeting and dealing with ministers wives who made all the difference in the world for me during a difficult time (july and august) and I KNOW God is there and coming through these people and it is amazing how He works when people get their own judgements and issues out of the way and just let God do his thing. And then there are times like now where I stand in awe of what has been created around me - The Red Rocks of Sedona and realize that yes my journey has often times been one of great loss but God is there and with every loss a blessing follows - and if I have to recover from losing everything AGAIN because of a few bad choices made by greedy, paranoid, ill informed people then I will be blessed as I recover...it may have taken me a few weeks to see I have been sent blessings and protection....but I have...and this time the blessing is a BIG ONE! People spend their whole lives trying to come to Sedona - and me - I had the blessing of being quite literally drug here - kicking and screaming and with a very heavy heart granted - but I got here - and now I can see first hand after several years of questioning how God was at work around me (knowing he was always at work IN my life - I have had a hard time seeing him at work FOR my life with all of the loss along the way) that He is ALWAYS at work FOR US - we just have to get out of the way. Evil will come but He is showing me he can make a blessing out of any negativity. And no - I have never believed in witchcraft (other than a gag book at a divorce party for a fellow nurse which joked about spells to turn your ex into a horny toad and spells to make his hair fall out - all in gest). and I do not think I have ever been around anything or anyone who actually believes in voodoo...funny how keeping spirituality such a personal matter can lead others to believe such horrible things...makes me curious what goes on in their personal lives to so liberally feel at license to make huge and damaging judgements about others. I have learned soooo much over the last 20 years and on some levels I grieve not having a "normal" life in one location and having something tangible I can call home and on the other hand I realize where and when others have never experienced anything outside of their "box" and how limiting that can be from every standpoint.
Posted on: Wed, 18 Sep 2013 00:08:57 +0000
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