I am going to share my story of the night of Christophers death. I will warn you it will not be an easy read so please feel free to skip by this post but I feel that I need to tell the whole story. Not to upset people but to give them a sense of what life is like to loose a child. So this is my story. On Wednesday, as I lay down to sleep, before Christophers death I had a premonition that one of my children were going to be taken. I have had these premonitions my whole life and I remember being so scared I really cant remember if I told Billy. As I went about my daily life I remember being scared and hoping that I was wrong. But as we all know, I was not. At approximately 10:30 a year ago Billy got a call. I now know it was my sister Lisa who called to tell us that Marcus and Christopher had been in an accident. I was getting ready to go to bed because I had been having a really bad MS day. My one regret was that I was asleep when Christopher came up to see us before going to ride four wheelers. He said he didnt want to wake me and that he would see me the next day. Little did he or anyone know that there would not be a tomorrow for this precious young man. As of the moment of that call, our hell here on earth began. As we started toward the hospital, I looked over at Billy and said we will be burying our baby boy this week. I think I know the exact moment that his heartbeat was first lost. They EMTs were able to get it back but it was not meant to be. That was the longest drive I have ever been on in my life. When we entered the hospital we were met by a security person. Billy said we needed to get me into a wheelchair. We drove the car that didnt have my wheelchair. That man just stood there and looked at us as I said I wanted to see my son and told him he knew who I was. Still he just stood there and looked at us like we were common criminals. Finally my sons friend just went behind the guy and got a wheelchair. I asked again to see my son. The guy said no but I will let you in this room. I remember not understanding why I couldnt see my baby boy but did as I was told. Billy had walked out of the room we were put in and the doctor walked in. Christophers friend and I was the only one in the room when the doctor walked in. He sat down in a chair and asked Who are you? I said I was Christopher Baxters mother. He motioned over to the friend and said Can I talk in front of him? I said yes. This doctor had no compassion at all as he explained my sons injuries and said I had 15 minutes to make a decision or he would make it for me. Kinda like Christopher was messing up his evening. I remember seeing Christophers friend go to his knees and heard Billy who I didnt know had come in asked. So you are saying he isnt going to live. And the doctor said yes that is what I am saying. I told the doctor I needed more than 15 minutes. I wanted Christophers father, sister and mother of his child to see him before he passed. I asked again to see my son and the doctor said Well let me get him cleaned up. I then knew that we were not dealing with someone with a heart. I went back to see Christopher. Seeing someone breathing for him was such a shock but I knew that I had to keep it together because my son needed me to make the decisions for him because he could no longer do so. The rest of the evening seems like a blur and felt like we were there for days not hours. People started to show up at the hospital to see my precious son. Decisions were made to donate Christophers organs because we were told the ER had only one doctor and he could not stop the breathing for him or pronounce him at their hospital. I later learned that UK had told the doctor Christopher could not donate because he had someone not a machine breathing for him but no one informed us of that. I still remember when our precious Breezy came in the room. No one let us know she was there and she was not prepared for the scene she walked into. I will hear her scream and cry till the day I die. She wanted me to fix her bubby and I felt so helpless because I couldnt. I also felt like I had let her down because parents are supposed to be able to fix everything. The doctor had the nerve to come in and say we needed to keep down the noise. I really wanted to scream at him but I knew it wouldnt help. The nurses came in to say there were people wanting to come into the room to see Christopher. I told them to allow them in. As we sat there, a stream of his family & friends showed up. I was humbled by the love and support that we had almost immediately. UK life flight showed up at the hospital to take our precious baby to UK. I had to leave the room as they moved him to their stretcher. I didnt want to but protocol had to be followed. After they got him on the stretcher I was allowed to say goodbye. I told him I would see him at UK. I know that seems strange but his heart was still beating and he still needed to know his mommy was there for him. The doctor told me that I was not allowed to leave the hospital till life flight did. I said ok. We didnt make it to the door when I heard yelling Get her back in here now. I got back in the room with my precious son and asked the doctor 3 times to please move. Finally one of the life flight people told him to move now. I put hand on Christopher and said Its okay baby. You dont have to take that flight. You can go now. I watched as he flat lined. It was 1:30 am. 3 hours of pure hell. The doctor looked at me and said he is gone. I think I said No shit. I had held it together up to that point and was angry at our treatment by security plus this heartless doctor. The doctor asked if I wanted to send Christopher to UK for tissue donation. We said No. I remember having to go back into that room we were put in when we first got there and wait for UK to call me to confirm I didnt want to send him. I remember the screaming in my head This cant be happening. Please wake me up. I still remember the nurse looking at me when we went back to Christopher and asking Were do you want him to go. People who know me knows that MS had done some brain damage. I didnt understand the question. I heard someone, not sure who say what funeral home. It was then that reality really sank in. My baby was gone. I told them were and asked if I could please go outside and get some air. My family stayed with Christopher for me because I just couldnt do it anymore. I knew I was getting to my cracking point. I was told again, you can go outside but you cannot leave until the coroner gets here. As I was wheeled outside I can still remember staring in awe at all the people in the parking lot. Family from all counties, Christopher and my friends were everywhere. I was once again humbled by the love that I felt. Tomorrow I will continue to tell my story of the days after this night. Thanks for reading.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 02:59:20 +0000
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